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Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:31 AM
N

]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©
07-16-2012, 12:31 AM
O?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:31 AM
O

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:32 AM
P

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:33 AM
Q

crgtr
07-16-2012, 12:33 AM
Ted Striker: Mayday! Mayday!
Steve McCroskey: What the heck is that?
Johnny: Why, that's the Russian New Year. We can have a parade and serve hot hors d'oeuvres.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:33 AM
R

]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©
07-16-2012, 12:33 AM
O
I totally called that!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:34 AM
S

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:34 AM
I totally called that!

Indeed...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:35 AM
T

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:35 AM
U

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:36 AM
V

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:36 AM
W

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:37 AM
X

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:37 AM
Y

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:38 AM
Z

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:48 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:49 AM
"It's hard to meditate on amphetamines"

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:49 AM
^^what he said...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:52 AM
Hans, also known as Hattori Hans O, was a famous samurai and ninja master of the Sengoku era, credited with saving the life of Tokugawa Ieyasu and then helping him to become the ruler of united Japan

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:53 AM
to talk without thinking...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:53 AM
I drank the rivers and the seas.
I burned the mountains and the trees.
I went too far.
I ran too long.
Stole the gold from angels song.
Washed my star in gasoline.
Threw it in a sewer drain.
Lied about the only thing that I have ever loved.

I broke the hearts of little girls.
I solved the problems of the world.
I mixed the future with the past.
Kicked religion in the ass.
Shot another evil man.
Took his wife to bed again.
I have found the cure for time, but you will have to wait.
Hey, don’t put me down.
I’m a hopeful sinner, drowning swimmer, cheating winner, lying skinner.
I’m a sinner, I’m a sinner, I’m a sinner and I hope I never change.

If I can write the history books.
If I can learn the secret looks.
If I can see the hidden part—the ring of fire around your heart.
If I was just an idiot I’d have the sense to ask the “what.”
To ask the “why.” To ask the “who.”
To question God and question you.
Hey, don’t put me down.
I’m a hopeful sinner, drowning swimmer, cheating winner, lying skinner.
I’m a sinner, I’m a sinner, I’m a sinner and I hope I never change.

I hid behind the twisted tree and gathered every part of me.
I wiped the sweat out of my eyes and stared into the dying skies and then I killed the only thing that I have ever loved.
I’m a hopeful sinner, drowning swimmer, cheating winner, lying skinner.
I’m a sinner. I’m a sinner. I’m a sinner. I’m a sinner.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:54 AM
Don’t you worry about the future baby, just drive right in.
We’ll drive around ‘til we can find a place to share a sin.
Oh, don’t you lie to me, baby, i know you want a dangerous man.
Just throw away your life tonight and I’ll catch it in my hands.
You got to look up in your eye that’s just dying to get out.
You ain’t the kind gonna sit around and wrestle with doubt.
Oh, don’t you worry, baby, don’t you try to understand.
Just throw away your life tonight and I’ll catch it if i can.

Let’s go for a ride, baby, let’s go for a ride…

I’ll throw the top down just for you.
The wind will blow your hair.
You just go on forget the reason why you ever forgot to care.
It’s only time, you better catch it while you can.
Throw away you life tonight and I’ll catch it if i can.

Let’s go for a ride, baby, let’s go for a ride…

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:55 AM
Met her on the side of the road at a fireworks stand
It was a really hot day in Alabama
i got out of my car walked around the back of that fireworks stand
i saw her sittin’ there
i think she’d just fallen down in the dirt
She had her head thrown back laughin’
Just soft and white like a creamy birthday cake before the knife

At first i thought she’s a yankee girl
i think she’s just tryin’ to hide her accent, really
Then we walked back to her car…and drove to her motel room
We just laughin’ sittin on the bed drinkin’ that whiskey
She had this great laugh
Said she’s on her way up to New York
She didn’t say why but i could tell she was runnin’

And you know, you know how things go
Talkin’, laughin’, little bit of whiskey
Talkin’, laughin’…
i remember the light was comin’ in through the window
And it kind of danced across her skin
That’s all i needed to believe in God again

Well, when i woke up…she was gone
Saw my handkerchief sittin’ up there on the lamp
She washed it out and hung it up there to dry
So i just stood by the window and looked out…to the empty space
of everywhere she could have gone

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:56 AM
Water is Water

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:56 AM
On the Wings of Dirty Angels

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:57 AM
Tonight is dying.
I need some company.
Let’s go to your place and call it serenity.
I won’t talk about your drinking.
And I won’t tell you to comb your hair.
We won’t say nothing.
We’ll just sit there and stare into the beautiful side of madness.
Into the beautiful side of madness.
Won’t you take me back again.

We lost a lot of laughter.
We lost a lot of nights.
But, I ain’t seen nobody that could always get it right.
I like your eyes.
Oh, there’s a little madness in the blue.
And I know I’m going crazy but, at least I’m going there with you.
Into the beautiful side of madness.
Into the beautiful side of madness.
Won’t you take me back again.

You’re such a languid lover.
Oh, it’s a long slow ride.
But, nobody knows, nobody knows how beautiful it is on the other side.
Into the beautiful side of madness.
Oh, yes, into the beautiful side of madness.
Won’t you take me back again.
Won’t you take me back again.
Won’t you take me back again.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:57 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 12:59 AM
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/40066608/lilly.jpg

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:01 AM
My Angel's Gotta Broken Wing...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:04 AM
Welcome to the 1st annual Experiment 2012

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:05 AM
Wish I didn't have to wait 30 seconds between posts!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:05 AM
Wish I didn't have to wait 30 seconds between posts!

This forum requires that you wait 30 seconds between posts. Please try again in 6 seconds.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:06 AM
Birds and Moons

XD

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:08 AM
I've given you the alphabet, a pic of my dog, song lyrics, album titles, an addendum and facts about this forum.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:08 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:09 AM
I wonder if Chris will mention my name in the video if he gets this dad-gum pickup...?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:10 AM
Stop The Madness

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:10 AM
Stop The Madness

Where's The Beef?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:11 AM
Where's The Beef?

Have You Seen Me Lately?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:12 AM
Have You Seen Me Lately?

Cha-Ching!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:12 AM
Oh Yeah!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:13 AM
Beautiful!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:14 AM
Soy Un Perdedor

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:16 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:17 AM
I don't think I can do this all night...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:18 AM
What does the "33" on the Rolling Rock bottle mean?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:19 AM
BTW, FWIW, if you drink too much Rolling Rock, you will poop an Eriza Verde colored substance. True Fact!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:20 AM
300

This is Sparta!!!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:24 AM
Funnel Shop Ire

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:24 AM
Funnel Shop Ire

That's me all mixed up...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:25 AM
I really should be sleeping!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:25 AM
GOOD

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:26 AM
GOOD

NIGHT

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:27 AM
GOOD


NIGHT
EVERYBODY

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:28 AM
GOOD

NIGHT

EVERYBODY

Dude, did you hear that?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:30 AM
Seriously, I'm out..

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:30 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:35 AM
Addendum - If Hopeful Sinner happens to win the pickup in this contest/experiment, he will ask that Hans award and ship it to "CRGTR" because I want to see a YouTube video involving the pickup dropped like a brick on the big toe of the interwebs. This addendum to the official rules shall be binding by the powers vested in me by the State of Sleeplessness I currently occupy

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:35 AM
76

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:36 AM
77

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:36 AM
78

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:37 AM
79

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:37 AM
80

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:38 AM
81

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:38 AM
82

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:39 AM
83

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:39 AM
84
Van Halen

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:40 AM
85
Motley Crue

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:40 AM
86
Bon Jovi

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:41 AM
87
Guns N Roses

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:42 AM
88
Monsters of Rock

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:44 AM
89
Steve Vai in Whitesnake?!?

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:45 AM
90
SRV dies...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:47 AM
91
Lollapalooza

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:48 AM
92
Nirvana - "Nevermind" goes to #1

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:50 AM
93
The last time Slash plays on stage with Axl...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:50 AM
94
Dookie

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:51 AM
95
Oingo Boingo break up...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:53 AM
96
KISS original lineup reunite!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:54 AM
97
MMMBop!

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:55 AM
98
Van Halen III (facepalm)

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:58 AM
99
O(+> sues WB..

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 01:59 AM
100
Posts in one night!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:45 AM
Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say?
Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of there and give someone else a chance?"

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:45 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [dreaming] I am not a Frankenstein. I'm a Fronkensteen. Don't give me that. I don't believe in fate. And I won't say it.
[pauses]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:46 AM
Frau Blücher: Would the doctor care for a... brandy before retiring?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No. Thank you.
Frau Blücher: [suggestively] Some varm milk... perhaps?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... thank you very much. No thanks.
Frau Blücher: [suggestively] Ovaltine?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: NOTHING! Thank you! I'm a little - tired!
Frau Blücher: Then I vill say... goodnight, Herr Doctor.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Goodnight, Frau Blücher.
[horses whinny]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:47 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That music...
Frau Blücher: Yes. It's in your blood - it's in the blood of ALL Frankensteins. It reaches the soul when words are useless. Your grandfather used to play it to the creature HE vas making.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then it was you all the time.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You played that music in the middle of the night...
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ...to get us to the laboratory.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That was YOUR cigar smoldering in the ashtray.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: And it was you... who left my grandfather's book out for me to find.
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: So that I would...
Frau Blücher: Yes.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Then you and Victor were...
Frau Blücher: YES. YES. Say it. He vas my... BOYFRIEND.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:47 AM
[Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:48 AM
[Dr. Frankenstein leans in for a kiss]
Elizabeth: Taffeta, darling.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Taffeta, sweetheart.
Elizabeth: [pulling away] No, the dress is taffeta. It wrinkles so easily.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:48 AM
[Froederick and Igor are exhuming a dead criminal]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What a filthy job.
Igor: Could be worse.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How?
Igor: Could be raining.
[it starts to pour]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:49 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For what we are about to see next, we must enter quietly into the realm of genius.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:50 AM
Igor: Dr. Frankenstein...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: "Fronkensteen."
Igor: You're putting me on.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, it's pronounced "Fronkensteen."
Igor: Do you also say "Froaderick"?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No... "Frederick."
Igor: Well, why isn't it "Froaderick Fronkensteen"?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It isn't; it's "Frederick Fronkensteen."
Igor: I see.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You must be Igor.
[He pronounces it ee-gor]
Igor: No, it's pronounced "eye-gor."
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But they told me it was "ee-gor."
Igor: Well, they were wrong then, weren't they?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:50 AM
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don't want to.
Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:51 AM
Medical Student: Isn't it true that Darwin preserved a piece of vermicelli in a glass case until, by some extrordinary means, it actually began to move with voluntary motion?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you speaking of the worm or the spaghetti?
[the class laughs]
Medical Student: Why, the worm, sir.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, I did read something of that incident when I was a student, but you have to remember that a worm... with very few exceptions... is not a human being.
Medical Student: But wasn't that the whole basis of your grandfather's work? The reanimation of dead tissue?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My grandfather was a very sick man.
Medical Student: But as a Fronkensteen, aren't you the least bit curious about it? Doesn't the bringing back to life what was once dead hold any intrigue to you?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind! Dead is dead!
Medical Student: But look at what has been done with hearts and kidneys...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Hearts and kidneys are tinker toys! I am talking about the central nervous system!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:51 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What is this place?
Igor: Music room?
[tunes PS Siggy]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:52 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you ready?
Igor: Are you sure this is how they did it?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes! It's all written down in the notes! Now tie off the kites and hurry down as fast as you can!
Igor: What's the hurry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There's a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
[no answer, shouts]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I said, there is a possibility of electrocution! Do you understand?
Igor: [suddenly appears next to Fredrick] I understand. I understand. Why are you shouting?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:52 AM
Igor: What is this?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte.
The Monster: [off-screen] MMMMMMM!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh, do you like it? I'm not partial to desserts myself, but this is excellent.
Igor: Who are you talking to?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To you. You just made a yummy sound, so I thought you liked the dessert.
Igor: I didn't make a yummy sound, I just asked you what it is.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: But you did. I just heard it.
Igor: It wasn't me.
Inga: It wasn't me.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, now look here. If it wasn't you, and it wasn't you...
[he asks himself]
The Monster: [off-camera] Mmmmmm!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:53 AM
Igor: Sed-a...
Inga: Sed-a...
Igor: Dirty word! He said a dirty word!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:53 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Sit down, won't you?
[Igor sits on the floor]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, no, up here.
[Igor gets up onto a stool]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:54 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Gone! Gone! We've got to find him, you understand? We've got to find him before he kills someone! What have I done? Oh God in Heaven! What have I done?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:54 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My fellow scienti...
Audience: Ssssssssssssssss!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: ...tists - and neurosurgeons, ladies and gentlemen. A few short weeks ago, coming from a background, believe me, as conservative and traditionally grounded in scientific fact as any of you, I began an experiment in, incredulous as it may sound, the reanimation of dead tissue.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:55 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Please! Remain in your seats, I beg you! We are not children here, we are scientists! I assure you there is nothing to fear!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:55 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Please, I beg you! For safety's sake, don't humiliate him!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:56 AM
Frau Blücher: I came to tell you that your fiance should be arriving any second!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [shirtless] Elizabeth! Here, tonight?
Frau Blücher: I suggest you put on a tie!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:57 AM
Elizabeth: No tongues.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:58 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Have all the preperations been made for the transference?
Inga: Yes, doctor.
Igor: Are you sure you want to go through with this?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: It's the only thing that can save him now.
Igor: You realize you're risking both your lives?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [plays a sour note] Yes.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:58 AM
Inga: Hold on to your hat! I'll be right back.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [literally holds onto his hat] I'm holding onto it, Darling!
Inga: Just a few more seconds.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:59 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Damn your eyes.
Igor: [to camera] Too late.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 05:59 AM
Love this part of the movie...
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: In other vords: his veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He's going to be very popular.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:00 AM
[after sex with The Monster]
Elizabeth: Oh. Where you going?... Oh, you men are all alike. Seven or eight quick ones and then you're out with the boys to boast and brag. YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Oh... I think I love him.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:00 AM
[Upon seeing the monster's manhood]
Elizabeth: Oh my God. Woof.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:01 AM
[in Victor Frankenstein's laboratory]
Igor: [sings] I ain't got no body, and nobody cares for me. Yakka tak ta a yakka tak ta ha!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor.
Igor: Froedrick.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: How did you get here?
Igor: Through the dumbwaiter.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:01 AM
Fave line...

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.
Igor: What hump?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:02 AM
[as monster runs out the door]
The Blindman: Wait. Where are you going? I was going to make Espresso. (Gene Hackman)

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:03 AM
Inspector Kemp: Vee had better confeerm de fect dat Yunk Frankenshtein iss indeed VALLOWING EEN EES GANDFADDA'S VOOTSHTAPS.
Villagers: What?
Inspector Kemp: Following in his grandfather's footsteps, footsteps, footsteps.
Villagers: Ohhh. Footsteps.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:03 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I am a scientist, not a philosopher! You have more chance of reanimating this scalpel than you have of mending a broken nervous system!
Medical Student: But what about your grandfather's work, sir?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My grandfather's work was doodoo! I am not interested in death! The only thing that concerns me is the preservation of life!
[jams the scalpel into his leg, lets go of the scalpel and it sticks upright out of his leg, grasps it again, then slowly crosses his legs to block the scalpel from view]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Class... is... dismissed.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:04 AM
Inspector Kemp: A riot is an ungly thing... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:04 AM
Igor: Wait Master, it might be dangerous... you go first.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:05 AM
Inspector Kemp: Let's all go have some sponge cake and a little wine...
[his mechanical arm slips off]
Inspector Kemp: and $heet.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:05 AM
[Friedrich arrives at the Transylvania station]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Pardon me, boy. Is this the Transylvania station?
Shoe-Shine Boy: Ja, ja. Track 29. Can I give you a shine?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:06 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: LIFE! DO YOU HEAR ME? GIVE MY CREATION... LIFE!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:06 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for. Do you understand? Do not open this door.
Inga: Yes, Doctor.
Igor: Nice working with ya.
[Dr. Frederick Frankenstein goes into the room with The Monster. The Monster wakes up]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What's the matter with you people? I was joking! Don't you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I'll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:07 AM
Inga: You haven't even touched your food.
[Frederick explodes and slaps on his food]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: There. Now I've touched it. Happy?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:07 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [singing] If you're blue, and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits...
The Monster: 'UTTIN' ON THE 'IIIIITZ.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:08 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Inga from behind the bookcase] Put... the candle... back!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:08 AM
Inga: Put... ze candle... *back*!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:09 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well, dear, are you ready?
Inga: Yes, Doctor.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Elevate me.
Inga: Now? Right here?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Yes, yes, raise the platform.
Inga: Oh. Ze platform. Oh, zat, yah, yah... yes.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:09 AM
[after failing to bring the creature to life]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Nothing.
Inga: Oh, Doctor, I'm sorry.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No. No. Be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it teaches us to accept our failures, as well as our successes, with quiet dignity and grace.
[starts beating up the creature]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Son of a *****! Bastard! I'll get you for this! What did you do to me? What did you do to me.
Inga: Stop it! Stop that! Stop it! You'll kill him!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I don't want to live. I do not want to live.
Igor: Quiet dignity and grace
[rolls eyes]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Oh... mama...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:10 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Eyegor.
Igor: Froadrick.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:11 AM
The Monster: For as long as I can remember people have hated me. They looked at my face and my body and they ran away in horror. In my loneliness I decided that if I could not inspire love, which is my deepest hope, I would instead cause fear. I live because this poor half-crazed genius, has given me life. He alone held an image of me as something beautiful and then, when it would have been easy enough to stay out of danger, he used his own body as a guinea pig to give me a calmer brain and a somewhat more sophisticated way of expressing myself.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:11 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to The Monster] Hello handsome. You're a good looking fellow, do you know that? People laugh at you, people hate you, but why do they hate you? Because... they are jealous. Look at that boyish face. Look at that sweet smile. Do you wanna talk about physical strength? Do you want to talk about sheer muscle? Do you want to talk about the Olympian ideal? You are a God. And listen to me, you are not evil. You... are... good.
[the Monster starts to cry, and Dr. Frederick Frankenstein hugs him]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: This is a nice boy. This is a good boy. This is a mother's angel. And I want the world to know once and for all, and without any shame, that we love him. I'm going to teach you. I'm going to show you how to walk, how to speak, how to move, how to think. Together, you and I are going to make the greatest single contribution to science since the creation of fire.
Inga: [from outside] Dr. Fronkensteen! Are you all right!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: MY NAME IS FRANKENSTEIN!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:12 AM
[as she holds a candle holder with 3 unlit candles]
Frau Blücher: Stay close to the candles. The stairway can be... treacherous

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:13 AM
Igor: I heard the strangest music from the upstairs kitchen and I just... followed it down. Call it... a hunch. Ba-dum chi.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:13 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well it seems as if our mysterious violinist has disa...
[sees something]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: puh.
Inga: Disa what?
Igor: -ppeared.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Shh.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:14 AM
[the trio find an abandoned violin]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Well this explains the music.
Igor: It's still warm.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:14 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man.", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:15 AM
[following Igor's botched attempt to interpret Dr. Frankenstein's charade clues while being attacked by the monster]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: SEDA-GIVE?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:15 AM
Frau Blücher: I am Frau Blücher.
[horses whinny]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:16 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: My grandfather... was a very... SICK... man.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:16 AM
[after he brings the creature to life]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Alive! It's alive! It's alive!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:17 AM
Frau Blücher: Good night, Herr Doktor.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Good night, Frau Blücher.
[horses whinny]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:17 AM
Igor: Where are you going?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: To wash up. I've got to look normal.
[his bowtie pops open]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: We've all of us got to behave normally.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:18 AM
Igor: It's gonna be a long night. If you need any help with the girls, I'll be...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:18 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: HE'S GOT A ROTTEN BRAIN! IT'S ROTTEN, I TELL YA! ROTTEN!
The Monster: RAAAAAAAA!
Igor: Ixnay on the ottenray.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:19 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, help me with the bags.
Igor: [Imitating Groucho Marx] Soitenly. You take the blonde, I'll take the one in the turban.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I was talking about the luggage.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:19 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Nice hopping.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:20 AM
Igor: Two nasty lookin' switches over there, but I'm not going to be the first.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:21 AM
Elizabeth: [singing, while having sex with the monster] Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you! At last, I know the secret of it all!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:21 AM
The Monster: [picks last petal off a flower and throws it into the well]
Little Girl: Now throw a kiss and say "Bye bye."
The Monster: [throws kiss, waves, and grunts "bye bye"]
Little Girl: Oh dear. Nothing left. What shall we throw in now?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:22 AM
Inspector Kemp: [holds up his wooden arm] To the lumber yard!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:22 AM
[from inside the haycart]
Inga: Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?
[Dr. Frankenstein stutters]
Inga: It's fun.
[She begins to roll in the hay]
Inga: Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:24 AM
And my fave line of t he movie.....

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [to Igor] Now that brain that you gave me. Was it Hans Delbruck's?
Igor: [pause, then] No.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Ah! Very good. Would you mind telling me whose brain I DID put in?
Igor: Then you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby... Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [pause, then] Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: [chuckles, then] Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA?
[grabs Igor and starts throttling him]
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Is that what you're telling me?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:24 AM
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I thought I told you never to interrupt me while I'm working!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:25 AM
Rex Kramer: Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question... skip that.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:25 AM
Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:26 AM
[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold's yuppie neighbors, appear]
Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I'll show you.
Todd: You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.
Clark: I wasn't talking to you.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:27 AM
Clark: Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.
Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:27 AM
Best line EVER!!!

Clark: Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey **** he is! Hallelujah! Holy ****! Where's the Tylenol?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:28 AM
Clark: Well I'm gonna park the cars and get check the luggage, and well, I'll be outside for the season.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:28 AM
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I'm doing just fine, Clark.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:29 AM
Clark: 'Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That's my name.
Clark: No sh**.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:29 AM
Uncle Lewis: Hey Grizz, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Clark: Aw, you didn't have to get me anything.
Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:30 AM
[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:30 AM
Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an ******* in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV's toilet]
Eddie: Shitter was full.
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our sh**ers, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn't know any better.
Clark: He oughta know it's illegal. That's a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:31 AM
Bethany: Don't throw me down, Clark.
Clark: I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:32 AM
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:32 AM
Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.
Share this quote

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:33 AM
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:33 AM
[talking about Snot, Eddie's dog]
Eddie: If you scratch his belly, Clark, he will love you till the day you die.
Clark: I really shouldn't, Eddie. My hands are all chapped.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:34 AM
Eddie: If that cat had nine lives it sure used 'em all.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:34 AM
Ellen: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:35 AM
Todd: Well, something had to come through the window! Something had to break the stereo!
Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, *Todd*?
Todd: I don't *know*, Margo!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:35 AM
Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:36 AM
Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Don't be so dramatic.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:37 AM
Audrey: I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas.
Art: If they know your dad, they won't think anything of it.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:37 AM
Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:38 AM
Art: You want to hurry this up, Clark? I'm freezing my baguettes off

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:38 AM
Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.
[Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:39 AM
Ellen: Welcome to our home - what's left of it.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:39 AM
[after reaching the Griswolds' house]
Aunt Bethany: Is this the airport, Clark?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:40 AM
Aunt Bethany: Is Rusty still in the navy?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:41 AM
Aunt Bethany: What's that sound? You hear it? It's a funny squeaky sound.
Uncle Lewis: You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:41 AM
[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the "lighting ceremony" in front of the entire family]
Frances: Talk about pissing your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
Audrey: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:42 AM
Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these g****m things.
Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:42 AM
Margo: You just march over there and slug that creep in the face.
Todd: I can't just attack someone.
Margo: Alright then, if you're not man enough to put an end to this s••t, then I am.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:43 AM
ncle Lewis: [Clark is cleaning up the garbage off the kitchen floor after the dog went through it] Hey Gris, you're not doing anything constructive. Run into the living room and get my stogey.
Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?
Ellen: He's an old man. This may be his last Christmas.
Clark: If he keeps it up, it WILL be his last Christmas.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:43 AM
Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sleigh on its way in from New York City.
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:44 AM
Clark: I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin... Er, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà.
Ellen: Are you okay?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:44 AM
Clark: [the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:45 AM
Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:45 AM
Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we?
Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad.
Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check...
Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:46 AM
Mr. Frank Shirley: [picks up the phone receiver] Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I'm waiting.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:46 AM
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:47 AM
Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:47 AM
Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus?
Clark: I'm sure... I can't even afford to be an elf.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:48 AM
Clark Sr.: SQUIRREL!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:49 AM
Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:49 AM
Clark: The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:50 AM
Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays...
Clark: Goodnight Ellen
Ellen: Vacations, graduations...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:50 AM
Clark: I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:51 AM
[Todd Chester stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet]
Eddie: Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:51 AM
Eddie: [walks in with a bound and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark.
[to Mr. Shirley]
Eddie: You about ready to do some kissing?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 06:52 AM
Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain...
Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.
Clark: ...Is innocent.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:05 AM
Mr. Frank Shirley: Remember how I was toying with the idea of suspending the Christmas bonuses?
Mrs. Helen Shirley: You *didn't*! Well, of all the cheap lousy ways to save a buck!
SWAT Commander: That's pretty low, mister! If I had a rubber hose, I would beat you...
Mr. Frank Shirley: I changed my mind. I'm reinstating all the bonuses

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:05 AM
Clark: I think you've made a terrible mistake.
SWAT Commander: I told you to freeze, mister.
Clark: May we blink?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:06 AM
Margo: I hope he falls and breaks his neck.
Todd: Oh, I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're lucky enough for him to break his neck.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:07 AM
Clark: [Clark looks down at the jello and sees that it's trimmed with cat food] Aunt Bethany, does your cat eat jello?
Eddie: I don't know about the cat, but *I* sure am enjoying it.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:08 AM
Audrey: [Commenting on sleeping with her brother] I have nightmares about what he does when I'm NOT lying next to him.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:09 AM
Clark: Later dudes! Let 'er rip, hang ten!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:09 AM
Art: It was an ugly tree anyway.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:10 AM
Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our back yard.
Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:10 AM
Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
[Raises class to his mouth]
Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
[Clark nearly chokes on his drink]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:11 AM
Art: The little lights... they aren't twinkling.
Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:11 AM
Ellen: Clark! I don't want to spend the Holidays dead!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:12 AM
Clark: Whew, it's warm in here.
Mary: Well you have your coat on.
Clark: Ah yes I do, why is that?
Mary: Because it's cold out.
Clark: Yes it is, it's a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out, what did I say, nipple? Huh, there is a nip in the air.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:12 AM
Art: [a messenger delivers Clark's envelope with his "bonus", the family looks questioningly] What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:13 AM
Clark: [realizes his bonus is a jelly-club membership] If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head, punch-in-the-face I ever got, GOD DAMN IT!
[kicks widly at the presents under the tree]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:13 AM
Clark: [Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree.
[He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark]
Clark: Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:14 AM
Eddie: Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:14 AM
Eddie: [holding Aunt Bethany's present] This one here, is leaking.
[Ellen sticks her finger in the leak. Eddie leans over and sucks it off her finger]
Eddie: It's lime!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:15 AM
Clark: I can't believe you're standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.
Eddie: Yeah I'm excited about it too.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:16 AM
Art: [to Rocky] You got a kiss for me?
Eddie: Better take a rain check on that, Art - he's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:16 AM
Margo: [a knock on the door] Go away Todd.
[another knock]
Margo: If you want to come in you'll have to break down the goddamn door!
[Several SWAT officers bust down the door]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:17 AM
Eddie: She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don't know.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:17 AM
Ellen: Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name. And forgive my husband. He knows not what he does.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:18 AM
Clark: [Finally revealing his Christmas Bonus] It's a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.
Eddie: [Overwhelmed, almost choking on his eggnog] Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving throughout the entire year.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:18 AM
Mrs. Helen Shirley: Yes officer, it seems my husband's been abducted. The man was, was wearing a blue leisure suit. Plates were from Kansas. He was a huge, beastly, bulging man.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:19 AM
Eddie: If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin' that hockey player.
Clark: What about the kids?
Eddie: His kids can fend for themselves.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 07:19 AM
Black coffee, no sugar, no cream.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:19 AM
Eddie: Your company kill all them people in India not too long ago?
Clark: No, we missed out on that one.

Danerada
07-16-2012, 07:20 AM
Man Chris is out to get this pickup!!!!!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:20 AM
Clark: We're gonna have the hap hap happiest christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny fugging Kaye.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:21 AM
Mr. Frank Shirley: I have never been treated like this in my life.
Ellen: I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping.

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 07:21 AM
Almost there Chris!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:21 AM
Mr. Frank Shirley: [to Clark] You're fired! And where's the phone? I'm calling the police!
Eddie: Now, just hold your wad there, fella. Clark had nothin' to do with this. This here, was my idea.
Mr. Frank Shirley: All right, he's still fired. And, *you*, are going to jail!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:22 AM
Clark: Catherine, if this turkey tastes half as good as it looks, we're all in for a real treat!
Eddie: Save the neck for me, Clark.
Clark: Okay Eddie...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:22 AM
Can't believe I'm gonna be late for work because of this....... Well, gotta have priorities!!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:23 AM
Clark: [the Christmas dinner table shudders, and loud gagging noises come from underneath. Clark looks to see where its coming from] Edward, what's wrong with the dog?
Eddie: [Looks underneath the table] Oh, he's just yakkin' on a bone.
[Grotesque barfing noises]
Eddie: He's got it up!
[Winks at Clark that everything's okay]
Clark: Maybe if you wouldn't feed him from the table?
Eddie: No. No, he's probably just been nosing through the trash.
[Shows kitchen, which looks like the city dump]

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:24 AM
Art: [after Clark has flipped out] You're goofy!
Clark: [Still flipped out] Don't piss me off Art...

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 07:24 AM
Who is your favorite Batman?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:24 AM
Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fugg they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that ********. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' fuggin' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:25 AM
Bale

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:25 AM
CAn't wait for the new movie

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 07:26 AM
Closing time...

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:26 AM
I read all of those comics. Bane was bad A$$!!

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:26 AM
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

Hopeful Sinner
07-16-2012, 07:27 AM
You gonna see it in IMAX?

crgtr
07-16-2012, 07:27 AM
almost....go get it Jon