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LSchefman
01-21-2013, 04:48 PM
"My fellow Americans: As many of you know, the North Korean government reported that archaeologists had discovered a unicorn lair last month in its capital, Pyongyang. I'm sure you'd agree that this secretive communist state, with its recent development of nuclear weapons, is a government whose announcements are to be taken seriously:

http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2012/11/30/north-korea-says-its-found-a-unicorn-lair

None of us want our last vision on this planet to be hordes of North Korean soldiers invading our country riding wave after wave of unicorns, hurling nuclear weapons in our direction and vaporizing us.

Yes, my friends, we have a Unicorn Gap.

Despite all of our technological and scientific expertise, not one scientist or archaeologist in the USA has discovered a single unicorn. That's scary. We should all be a little worried, and as your President, I'm asking Congress to authorize Unicorn hunts and expeditions all over this country.

There are those in Congress complaining that we have a Rainbow Gap with Ireland. Well, we acknowledge this. Not only have we not found one pot of gold at the end of a rainbow in the US, no one is researching the problem. No one is out trying to capture a single leprechaun, but we're spending billions trying to talk to aliens on the space phone with that SETI deal. I thought we didn't want aliens, and that's why Congress is talking about fencing out Mexico, so why are we trying to talk to them? But I digress. At least the Irish aren't threatening us with nuclear weapons and unicorns.

However, we plan to set aside funding for leprechaun research right here in the US.

Thank goodness, the Chinese leadership is spending its free cash on ground rhinoceros horn powder, so they're a little distracted.

My fellow Americans, I'll tell you what may be the only thing preventing them from saddling up those unicorns and coming after us: guitars. Because nothing scares a unicorn like a guitar, and especially a guitar with a pointy headstock. It will be the policy of this government to put more guitars into the hands of our soldiers and people. We are building guitars here, and our allies in South Korea have been building them for a good reason.

All along the West Coast of the United States, our well-trained guitar player-soldiers are standing at the ready, waiting by the sea for the North Korean fleet to start loading the landing craft with unicorn mounted troops, because they know that a few bars of "Pipeline" or "Surf City" will turn those guys right around. Especially if played with fuzz. I ask you to stand by them.

And I will stand my ground here in Washington with my trusty PRS, as part of the guitar army in reserve, waiting. Watching. Keeping an eye out for unicorns, rainbows, leprechauns and aliens. Keeping my thoughts pure, and my HXDA on standby, and...bzzzzt....crackle....buzzzzt..." (transmission suddenly ends).

LSchefman
01-21-2013, 06:40 PM
"Did you fight in the Unicorn Wars, Grandpa?"

"Oh yes...of course! We all did."

"What did you fight with, Grandpa?"

"I fought with this weapon; I wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Grandpa on some idealistic crusade like your father."

"What is it?"

"Your Grandpa's PRS. This is the weapon of a Barre Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a Gibson or Fender. An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age."

]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©
01-21-2013, 06:47 PM
You're a funny mofo, Les.

Goldtop
01-21-2013, 06:51 PM
History rewritten by the infamous North Korean Hu Flung Poo.

Goldtop in the Good Ol' USA

LSchefman
01-21-2013, 06:54 PM
-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©;43053']You're a funny mofo, Les.

Thanks, and a little crazy I know. I'm rewriting it a little to be more of a story line.

justmund
01-21-2013, 07:00 PM
-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©;43053']You're a funny mofo, Les.
+1, the SE crack was gold

LSchefman
01-21-2013, 07:11 PM
"I'm Laszlo Buzzdriver; my grandfather Ani Wan Buttme sent me here to find a Barre Knight Master named Yngwie, but I seem to have crashed his minivan into this swamp. I did manage to pull his PRS to safety before it got wet. Thank goodness for this waterproof carbon fiber case!"

"Looking for Yngwie, are you?"

"Yes. I am trying to become a Barre Knight, if I can ever get this minivan out of the swamp."

"Do not try; do or do not. There is no try."

"I'm not sure what that means."

"Oh. It's a saying. It means, you know, don't say you will try to do something, just do it. That kind of thing. Peoples' fathers used to say that sort of "Think Positive" stuff to their children in the 1950s and 1960s. So I kind of made it my own thing. Like talking in riddles and appearing to know everything."

"Oh, OK. Would you mind helping me pull the minivan out with this rope? I tied it around the bumper."

"Rope I will not use. Your PRS you must use."

"My PRS? Why? What's playing a PRS going to do to get the minivan out of the swamp."

"So little faith have you. These are 408 pickups. These pickups do magic!" (Yngwie plays and the van slowly levitates from the swamp to the amazement of Laszlo).

LSchefman
01-21-2013, 07:20 PM
+1, the SE crack was gold

I already kinda changed the whole thing, and don't like it as much as the original.

It's kind of falling apart into a Star Wars spoof. I'm kind of hoping my fellow inmates will contribute and write a few episodes, maybe change the direction a little bit.

rugerpc
01-21-2013, 08:25 PM
Lazlo Buzzdriver woke up in a cold sweat. The leavings of most of a case of Natty Bo and not a few Pollock Johnnies strewn on the floor near the bed merely confirmed what he already suspected. An overindulgent night of hometown dogs and beer had him dreaming again.

Lazlo slipped out of bed and stumbled on his Schefman voodoo doll, cursing it ironically. As he padded across the room, he took warm comfort in the goldtop siggy sitting next to his HXDA. As the last remnants of the ill-fated Il regime of Northern Korea and their nuclear unicorns left his mind, he swore off Goulden's spicy brown for good this time.

Dirty Bob
01-21-2013, 08:54 PM
:eek::eek::eek:;)....Les I've asked you repeatedly to share!!!...did you bring enough for everyone???

I'm waiting now for Hans to resurrect the zombies...

LSchefman
01-21-2013, 09:11 PM
Very niiice Ruger!

Hey Bob, we do need zombies!

Mikegarveyblues
01-21-2013, 09:23 PM
As the fog of sleep once and for all cleared his mind he heard the shrill sound of the telephone.
"Dammitt! Who the hell is calling me at this time?!"
Lazlo looked at the clock on the table but was having trouble making out the time. He suddenly noticed Jane Buzzdriver wasn't in bed. Clearly, it was later than he thought. The empty bottles of Goulden's Spicy Brown answered that question.

There was a mumble of words and then Mrs Buzzdriver walked into the bedroom with the phone.
"It's Bob."
"Bob who?" Lazlo enquired.
"Bob... Your uncle." She said with a hint of puzzlement as she handed Lazlo the phone.

Lazlo was in no mood to speak to anyone - particularly not his Uncle Bob (Whom he'd never heard of). All he wanted to do was grab a coffee and have a fiddle on his new Goldtop PRS.

"Hey Bob, what is it?"
"It's happening again Lazlo..." Lazlo froze."The Unicorns are back and this time they may be Zombie Unicorns"
"But Uncle Bob... it was just a dream..."
"I'm not your Uncle Bob, Lazlo. Get dressed and meet me outside with your axe in 30 minutes"

lazlo briefly thought of his Grandfather Ani Wan Buttme and his Grandmother Nobedee Wan Buttme. Their memory gave him a little strength for the battle ahead. He got dressed and had a bite to eat. Then - just before the mysterious 'Uncle Bob' arrived - he opened the secret tin and dug out his secret weapon. The pick. He knew he was gonna need this triangular piece of plastic more than at anytime in his life...

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 08:45 AM
...Mrs Buzzdriver walked into the bedroom with the phone.
"It's Bob."
"Bob who?" Lazlo enquired.
"Bob... Your uncle."

OMG! If I had been drinking when I read that, I would have snarfed....

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 09:06 AM
Lazlo quickly checked through his zombie apocalypse "go" bag. There were others of course, all lined up under the pedal storage shelf. There was the G.A.S. go bag - well worn from years of emergency use with it's no limit credit card and white cotton gloves. Next to it was the gig go bag overstuffed with condoms and hand sanitizer. Next to that the never used, but always ready Fender and Gibson go bags. Lazlo found that once he settled on PRS, those bags were just gathering dust. He'd have to do something about that. They would probably go the way of the Martin go bag which used to sit next to the Taylor go bag, but was long ago offered to budding musicians who didn't know how to play yet.

Past another few bags, Lazlo found the bag he needed, appropriately just under the shelf holding the Ibanez Tube Screamer. At the behest of his Buttme grandparents, Lazo had assembled this particular bag for this specific contingency. Like the other go bags it held a change of clothes, an extra set of strings and a size 36A Wonderbra. Lazlo sifted through the contents to make sure the items which made this bag unique were present and in good order. He easily located the .308 tracer rounds impregnated with KC Masterpiece Bar-B-Que sauce - essential ammo for combating Zombies, dispatching them quickly while simultaneously frying their brains and seasoning them for good post-apocalyptic dining. At the bottom of his bag he found his Armalite AR-10. He had tried the AR-15, but found that it took more than one shot from the relatively whimpy .223 round to effectively put down and cook a zombie.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 09:28 AM
Mor Izmor surveyed the landscape through his zombie eyeballs. He'd bought them on eBay from a guitar player who wanted to fund a Private Stock. He wasn't afraid to use guitar players' body parts. Mor scratched what was left of his goatee. It was hard to keep zombie skin together, and it tended to attract insects, but he managed with a combination of Crazy Glue and Nu-skin. He looked down at the zombie body he'd built up as an NFL football player, now in rough-looking shape but still strong, and thought, "Hard to believe I wasted all that effort on the Detroit Lions."

He didn't see any guitar players. There was only open country ahead. Mor wheeled his unicorn around and headed for the zombie camp. He and the ten thousand unicorn riders he called his Immortals were ready. They had a new weapon.

Albrecht Smuten
01-22-2013, 09:29 AM
wat

]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©
01-22-2013, 09:45 AM
I'm waiting now for Hans to resurrect the zombies...

ZOMBIE'S????? WHERE?!?!?!? :o

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 10:20 AM
Under the AR-10 in Lazlo's bag was one of seventeen identical Glock 31s. All of them with long ported slides for quick follow up shots, night sights and chambered in the misunderstood and maligned .357 Sig round. This particular Glock was slightly modified by Skitchy at PTC - the Special Forces Unit of PRG Guitars. Skitchy had milled a small compartment in each side of the polymer hand grip and inlaid solid gold, raised private stock eagles on each side. The effect was the increased grip offered by the menuki on the handle of a samurai sword. Lazlo found plenty of hollowpoints for the pistol right next to the KC Masterpiece bullet dipping pouch his grandfather had made him. The 'leather' of the pouch was from the first zombie unicorn wars. Grandfather Buttme had somehow saved the nape skin of his last target and, through a process he refused to divulge, preserved it for this special little pouch.

Lazlo imperceptably sighed as he began to close the bag over the Wonderbra. "One day..." he thought to himself. At the last moment, he grabbed the Tube Screamer from the shelf above, checking it's battery, and stuffed it into the left cup of the Wonderbra. It never hurts to be prepared.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 10:33 AM
Mor Izmor saw that Autumn Sky was exhasuted. She had spent the entire night trying to break free of the rusty chains that held her to a wooden post in the center of the zombie main tent, and now her wrists and ankles were sore and bleeding. She was dirty, and almost asleep. Mor thought that she was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen, and while alive he'd have been nervous to approach her, even at the height of his NFL career.

He had difficulty keeping the Immortals away; to all of them, she seemed a particularly tasty snack.

But he knew the power of a hostage, especially a pretty one with family connections.

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 10:52 AM
Jane Buzzdriver of course knew all about the go bags and the Wonderbras, after all, she had helped Lazlo pick them out. While Lazlo sipped his coffee, she regarded him from the other side of the kitchen table. There was no way in the world she could ever fit into a 36A again, not unless the 'muffintops' look returned to style anyway. As she shifted the torques in her skimpy halter top, Lazlo smiled. He loved Jane. He loved her because she knew he would never leave her for Autumn if he ever did find her again. And so Jane loved Lazlo and aided him in what she teased him as 'the perky quest.'

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 11:47 AM
The Special Forces Unit was busier than usual. Shawn Nuthall and his elite crew were busy modifying another guitar for Carlos Santana. It was a mod they had performed before on many of Carlos' other cherished axes. The tricky part was getting the sighting mechanism hidden into the top perfling that was the Santana model trademark. Without a good sighting mechanism, the integrated semi-auto .50 BMG barrel and action from a cannibalized Barrett would be just that much harder to aim. Not that Carlos needed to aim anymore as he usually fired from the hip while doing a signature max feedback bend. But Carlos was a stickler that anyone should be able to pick up one of his off-stage guitars in an emergency and use it with precision, so the sighting mechanism had to be there.

Notably, the Santana SE models had had .338 Winchester Magnums installed in them from the beginning. Carlos insisted that the student edition of his guitars made by PRS be all that they could be and never hold back the budding guitar player.

Mikegarveyblues
01-22-2013, 01:06 PM
Special Forces Unit team Leader Shawn Nuthall had received a call just a few hours prior.
"We've got a problem." The voice on the other end said breathlessly. "Ths time it's Zombies! We need your most powerful weapon!"
The members of the Special Forces Unit immediately started searching for the most suitable weapon.

"What about this?" One of the elite crew members enquired.
He was holding a device known only as the Rod of Stewart. It was a short stick that had clearly seen better days. All leathery with a torn sticker that had clearly once displayed the legend 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?'.
"That's no good! It can only be handled by leggy blondes!" There was only one weapon in this building that could take out the zombies...

" Bring me the Tequila Sunrise Glow Private Stock. We're gonna need those Firebirds!!!"

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 02:21 PM
T'ok Tewmuch glanced up from his eugenics science station at T'ok Schmaak. The commander, Grand T'ok Schiddt was taking an awful, but profitable risk. The unicorn breeding program was on schedule and the Earth zombies were paying them well.

T'ok Tewmuch wondered again where the Zombies could find so much raw sewage for payment when the commodity was all but depleted on his own home planet of Gorn'shdt. He checked over his controls again as a practiced officer should while T'ok Schmaak adjusted the smoke and mirrors which hid them from the Eath's peoples. It was the oldest trick in the book, but it still worked.

But Grand T'ok Schiddt was taking no chances. He had ordered a geosynchronous orbit above the Southern pole of the planet and before leaving Gorn'shdt he had taken the precaution of painting the mothership Snow White snow white. It was with wry humor that he named the seven scout and delivery ships after dwarves. Presently the cargo ship Sneezy was slimeing its way back for another pickup of unicorns for the impatient Mor Izmor.

Grand T'ok Schiddt was uncomfortable with Izmor, particularly the way one of his zombie eyes kept rolling out of its socket and disappearing into what would have been a sinus cavity in a normal human. It was no matter, both zombie and non-zombie alike were disgusting life forms to him even though there was an untidy profit to be had in the ensuing war.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 04:27 PM
Autumn sky gave the zombie a disgusted look.

"Your eyeball has dribbled into the disgusting goo you call your head, Mor."

The zombie reached into the muck that was once his brain, and pulled out the eyeball with a spoon. It was accompanied by a puddle of slime. He dipped it into his glass of Glenfiddich, put it back into his eye socket, and then downed the drink.

"Eeew," said Sky. "That's really, really gross."

"Not as gross as seeing some of my Immortals eating into your abdomen while you watch and breathe your last few breaths, Sky. You think we won't? I don't care what you think of us. You're here for a reason, that's all. Otherwise, you're just another meal to me."

To demonstrate his seriousness, he spooned out the eye again, dipped it into his Scotch, put it into his mouth, and bit into it so that the eye's juice spewed into her face. "That's what I think of living humans. The eyeballs are strictly for my good looks. And for snacks."

He opened a drawer and pulled out a jar. His fingers reached in and soon found their prize. Mor popped another eyeball into his empty socket and looked at the girl, who suppressed a gag. "Another private stock financier, I think." He sat back and smiled. He had nothing but time.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 04:50 PM
Mor Izmor looked at his watch. It was 4 AM. He wasn't tired. Zombies don't sleep. "Get me Day-O, now!" he called out to his zombie-at-arms. The man staggered out into the night to obey the order. Soon the tent flap opened, and another large, muscular zombie shambled in. "What's up, boss?"

"Man-Dye, there's a girl I want you to meet."

"What, you think I'm stupid, man? You think just because I'm dead and a zombie you're going to fool me again? I'm not that stupid."

"Actually, Man-Dye, I think you are indeed that stupid, as you have proven once in the past before we were teammates on the Lions. But there really is a girl this time. She's in the corner over there. Take a look."

"I'm not even gonna look, OK? Not gonna look, because I'm not gonna give you the chance to laugh at me again, Boss. Sorry. I'm not buyin' it." He stared at Mor.

"It was an important mission I had in mind for you, Man-Dye. I'll give it to someone else, then..."

"I won't get fooled again!" shouted Man-Dye. "Oh no!"

A few seconds passed. Out of the corner of his sunken eye, Man-Dye Day-O saw the girl.

"Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" he screamed, the rawness and drawn out excitement palpable in his shredded vocal cords.

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 05:02 PM
The Gorn'shdt had more to offer the zombies than one-horned steeds. In any war, intelligence was worth far more than materiel. T'ok Tofuturr'kay eased his scout ship Dopey out of a cloud bank, laying a trail of smoke and adjusting his mirrors as he descended. He smiled as he pondered the dichotomy between his craft's name and its mission.

The guitar plant on Kent Island was heavily defended with what looked to be crate after crate of tracer rounds chambered for the fourteen big 20mm Solothurn S-18/2000 semi-autos on the roof and around the perimeter. T'ok Tofuturr'kay could see long hoses leading from the two huge gleaming silos filled with KC Masterpiece to each of the gun emplacements. Clearly Mr. Smith was serious about both plant defense and planning a massive zombie brain feast.

As he shifted slightly in his seat to better reach the awkwardly placed laser-com, T'ok Tofuturr'kay accidentally nudged the mirror control.

On the Northwest corner of the building, Mike Deeley, who was having morning break Natty Bo on the roof, saw the mirror flash out of the corner of his eye. With a speed belying the girth in his Hawaiian PRS Guitar shirt, he spun the heavy Solothurn on his target. The last thing T'ok Tofuturr'kay knew in this life was the sweet smell of KC Masterpiece as his craft was riddled with exploding 20mm rounds.

The only thing T'ok Abhout'it heard on the laser-com in the mother ship was a scream and then static.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 05:11 PM
Jane Buzzdriver went to her room, locked the door, and laughed to herself as she removed the mask that made her look like a human, revealing her T'ok identity.

"Jane Buzzdriver, indeed," she said out loud in T'ok. "My real name is M'gill, I call myself L'ill, but everyone on T'ok knows me as N'ancy." She began to hum a tune she'd learned as a very young female maggot on T'ok, and then began to recite the lyric.

"With the lights out
it's less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid
And contagious..."

She stopped singing for a moment and thought. "Maybe I'll change my name to...Buzzkiller..."

watelessness
01-22-2013, 05:18 PM
If we all pool our unicorn dollars, can we buy our own herd of unicorns?

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 05:20 PM
If we all pool our unicorn dollars, can we buy our own herd of unicorns?

Yes we can. Send me all your money, and I'll be sure to put down a deposit for you, and let you know when the unicorns arrive. ;)

rugerpc
01-22-2013, 05:30 PM
Deep in the bowls of the mothership Snow White, List'sin Twodoo'hr Mute'sik helped another unicorn cow calve a fine new unicorn buck. The calving always needed assistance because the unicorns started growing their horns in utero, something that may have contributed to their extinction on almost every planet the Gorn'shdt had seeded them on.

He thought about his upcoming T'ok exam. List'sin Twodoo'hr Mute'sik was both anxious and eager to end his days as an enlisted List'sin and enter the ruling ranks of the officer class T'ok. It was also important to him because only the T'ok were allowed to speak.

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 06:02 PM
"I don't know if this story line is working, Les, it's a little thin."

"Well, dude, if you flip the two switches down, it goes into full plotbucker mode and fattens right up. See?"

"Wow, yeah! So it's both a thin plot and a thick plot depending on how you set the plotbucking switches then?"

"Yup."

"I gotta say, that's some pretty ingenious thinking. And no volume change?"

"Right. It's all in one book, no extra volumes needed."

"Can you blend the plots?"

"You bet. Although this one is a stop tale. So you can blend them, but you can't bend them." :)

Mikegarveyblues
01-22-2013, 06:09 PM
M'Gill watched as her... It's husband walked towards the car that had just pulled up outside. By now the fake skin that had covered her body was melting away exposing a green, waxy flesh like substance. She carefully aimed the weapon at the car. M'Gill would wait until Lazlo had entered and the car had begun to drive away before unleashing the weapon. "This will be your last day on Earth Lazlo." It muttered.

Lazlo pulled open the door. "Uncle Bob?" He enquired.
"Not Quite. My Name is Paul Smith."
"I love your designs! I think I have one of your jumpers!" Lazlo said excitedly as he sat down in the passenger seat.
"Not that Paul Smith!!! Paul Reed Smith. I make the guitars you own!

M'Gill cought sight of Paul. "What the...! How can this be? Paul should have been at the factory!" She aimed the weapon at the car as it drove off. She curled a bony digit around the trigger but just as she pulled the car dissapeared.
"Wrrraggghhh... Noooo!" She / It growled. M'Gill had missed her chance.

"I have bad news for you." paul said. "Your wife is not your wife. She is T'ok. One of the best trainees from Mak Shi'tup"
"It can't be true Paul!" Lazlo said solemly.
"I'm afraid it is Lazlo. When i rang to speak to you I enquired about her letting you buy more guitars. She agreed immediately. I knew then something was amiss. I'm sorry"
Paul reached into the glove compartment and passed Lazlo a book. "What's this?" Lazlo enquired.
"It's the 'Twenty One Rules Of Tony'" Paul answered. "It was written by me and Tony McManus. You'll find all you need to know on how to deal with the Zombie invasion. Read it and memorize it."
Suddenly Paul wipped around in his seat and reached into the back of the car. Lazlo noticed a man with a PRS in the back. Paul was flicking switched and turning knobs like there was no tomorrow.
"This is Mike Ault, he's my weapons tester."
"Hey Mike" lazlo said, offering out his hand. Mike didn't shake it as he was too busy with his weapon.

The car they where travelling in allowed Paul to teleport from one place to another in a split second. Before Lazlo had a chance to even read the first rule of Tony he was at the factory. Right into the middle of the battle...

Boogie
01-22-2013, 07:32 PM
I was going to make some smart a$$ed comment about drinking a 12pack and scoring 11 holes in one in golf once (as did the other 3 guys), but then I read the rest of yous guys' novelette and decided it was not worthy. Righteous keyboard pecking, dudes. :rock:

LSchefman
01-22-2013, 08:08 PM
Man-Dye Day-O stood up, and stretched. One of his arms came free of its socket, but he managed to push the bone back into place. It made a squishing snapping sound that woke up one of the privates in his squad.

"Day-O! Dayyy-O! Daylight come and I wan' go home," shouted the zombie "I'm hungry, dude." He was sick of the drills, sick of cleaning unicorn dung, and he was hungry. His eyes settled for the hundredth time on the woman in the chains they were dragging along behind the unicorns.

Autumn Sky looked delicious.

Man-Dye Day-O turned, and gave the zombie a righteous blow with his elbow that knocked his soldier's head clean off.

"Pick it up and let's go," he snarled.

Sky didn't know whether to be grateful or to vomit.

docbennett
01-23-2013, 07:20 AM
Bennett abruptly woke up from the long, lumbering, tangential dream that had clouded his mind for the past several hours.

Zombies....unicorns....guitars...some crazy guy named Les who was singing "Rocky Racoon" while imitating Kurt Cobain. It was all beginning to blend together. At some point....it almost made sense. But, the dream images were fading fast, and all that was left was the primoridal ooze of the T'Oks that was still on the bed covers.

What? T'Ok ooze...then it wasn't a dream.

Just as Bennett came to this realization.....he received an email letting him know that the "Song Title Game" had rolled around to his turn once again.

"Whew" he said under his breath, as he quickly left the T'Ok presence, never to return, always to remember how close he came to.......REALITY!

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 07:31 AM
Autumn Sky passed in and out of consciousness. Her thoughts wandered to the man she used to know, the man she loved but left. She remembered everything about him, but most of all his goldtop PRS guitars. He could play both sweetly and savagely and Autumn truly didn't know which turned her on more.

Autumn's skimpy shirt was torn and tattered such that it barely hid the braless perkiness underneath. Jumba-Jimba loped along beside her lustfully. He had always preferred the young and tender and the thought of nibbling Sky from her toes on up had his zombie mind reeling.

Just as he was about to reign in his unicorn and make his move, a loud crack rent the air followed by the distinctive sweet smell of KC Masterpiece. Jumba-Jimba looked down mournfully. "That's gonna leave a mark," he thought as he stared at the ragged 5" hole in his left leg. His steed bucked and fell having absorbed the bullet that had just ripped through the now useless leg of the zombie.

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 07:56 AM
"The car they where traveling in allowed Paul to teleport from one place to another in a split second. Before Lazlo had a chance to even read the first rule of Tony he was at the factory. Right into the middle of the battle... "preparations.

The factory was running three side by side triple shifts, cranking out hand-made guitars at a dizzying pace. The PRS building expansion undertaken just a few years earlier stood stead with the call to arms now. News that the T'ok were not only supplying the zombies with their steeds, but also providing intelligence had been confirmed by examining the craft Deeley had shot down earlier. Inside were unicorn horns and a zombie cypher and coded map.

Paul immediately set Nuthall and The Special Forces Unit to breaking the cypher and producing a usable map in the hopes of learning the enemy's positions and intentions. Whatever the contents of the dispatches, one thing was clear.... an illustration in the corner of the map showed burning guitars and zombies feasting on sanders and assemblers.

LSchefman
01-23-2013, 10:37 AM
Day-O heard the shot and saw his comrade fall. He opened the screen of the audio locator strapped to his thigh. It was always on, always recording so that the location of anyone firing a shot at his squad could be triangulated; each rider had an antenna that reported in to the system wirelessly. The system had been a gift from the T'ok.

He found the location of the shooter in a moment, and began to deploy his crack zombie team who were well-trained in the art of maneuver. A squad wedge was formed, as the mounted team could maintain visual contact easily.

Day-O also messaged his commander, requesting additional fire support and backup. This was going to be an interesting day. They began to move forward cautiously.

docbennett
01-23-2013, 10:59 AM
As they moved forward, ever cautious....ever considering all the possible ramifications of different maneouvers....suddenly...unexpectedly.....with no time to prepare.....the unthinkable occurred!!

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 02:03 PM
Inside the factory, Lazlo set down his heavy go bag and unzipped the top. "What's with the Wonderbra, Lazlo?" inquired Paul.

"It's a long story.."

"Save it," Paul cut him off as he rushed off to the wood library.

Lazlo dug out his Glock, holster and dipping pouch and secured them to his belt. He checked a mag for the AR-10 and rapped it home, chambering a round and putting the gun on safe. He thought of Autumn, free to wish and reminisce now that Jane had turned out to be a T'ok, curse her.

Lazlo wondered through the huge guitar factory as Paul met with key personnel on urgent defense matters, He didn't know what Paul had in mind for him. After all, it was his grandfather Buttme who had most of the experience fighting zombies.

The factory was indeed busy. Every other guitar coming off the line was a goldtop, renowned for tone and assassinating rogue unicorns. Much to his great pleasure, he saw that the factory was once again making the light but potent goldtop spruce hollowbody with piezo.

He picked one up and noodled a song his grandfather wrote during the first zombie wars. This guitar was perfect for that song. It had enough electric growl for the stanzas representing the zombies and enough acoustic peizo sweetness to represent the innocents they savagely slaughtered.

He was rusty, his fingers slipping. As he played, he thought of the timeless words...

"Sitting on a park bench
Eyeing little girls with bad intent

Snot's running down his nose
Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes
Hey zombie death

Drying in the cold sun
Watching as the frilly panties run
Hey zombie death..."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhp7BsqcMbY

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 03:10 PM
Narrator's note...

As with all stories worth reading (unlike this one), it is useful to construct a character map. We list here the characters introduced to the story so far. Updates will follow and will be noted with a ^.

Heros:
Lazlo Buzzdriver
Ani Wan Buttme
Nobedee Wan Buttme
Yngwie
Schefman
Skitchy
Shawn Huthall
Paul Reed Smith
Carlos Santana
Mike Deeley
Autumn Sky (princess)
Mike Ault
Tony McManus
Bennett
^ Gloria Sass
^ President David Grissom
^ Highlander (eaten)
^ Bernie Marsden
^ Davy Knowles
^ Princess Summerfall Winterspring (Twinkied)
^ Bob Coffey
^ Salesman Greg
^ BillSAS
^ Christopher James
^ Sir Geo the White

*******
Zombies:
Mor Izmor
Man-Dye Day-O
Jumba-Jimba
^ Tab-itha
^ En-doraa
^ Sam-anntha
^ Darr-in (dispatched)
^ Mot D-hoople

********
T'ok (Gorn'shdt):
Jane Buzzdriver (T'ok M'gill, aka L'ill, aka N'ancy)
T'ok Tewmuch
T'ok Schmaak
Grand T'ok Schiddt
T'ok Tofuturr'kay (destroyed)
T'ok Abhout'it
List'sin Twodoo'hr Mut'sik
^ T'ok Tuu'meeh

T'ok Ships:
Snow White (mothership)
Sneezy (cargo)
Dopey (scout :: destroyed)
^De'videby'zeehro (fighter)

T'ok home planet:
Gorn'shdt
locations:
Mak Shi'tup

********
^ The No:ah:
^ No:ah Counta (drowned)

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 03:17 PM
T'ok M'gill twisted the throttle on her Vespa. She had to get to the boarding stable and retrieve her steed. She laughed out loud as she thought of her cover story, that the horn was a prosthetic to cure the "horse's" wandering eye condition. The unicorn had been stabled for years and no one was the wiser.

As she laughed, a bird slammed into her mouth. She gave it one bone-crushing crunch and swallowed it whole.

LSchefman
01-23-2013, 04:30 PM
I like the list idea and the continuation of the story line, Ruger!

I have to run to a recording session tonight at a friend's studio, so keep up the great work!

docbennett
01-23-2013, 05:37 PM
I like the list idea and the continuation of the story line, Ruger!

I have to run to a recording session tonight at a friend's studio, so keep up the great work!

The zombies descended en masse upon the suddenly exposed Highlander. Screaming, he was devoured...hundreds of years of sage wisdom and accrued and acquired insanity...... so highly regarded and so wantonly wasted.

The story continues however. It must go on. An homage to the eaten Highlander is more than appropriate...it is a fitting and eloquent desert.

Mikegarveyblues
01-23-2013, 06:03 PM
As Lazlo was playing he cought sight of some light peeking out from the side of a door. He put down the guitar and walked over to take a look. He cought site of some PRS guitars he hadn't seen before including one which looked like a blue Bernie Marsden. "I thought that was a myth" he mumbled to himself. He didn't have much time to think before Paul grabbed him by the arm.
"You must never, never speak of what you've seen!" Paul said firmly.
"I'm sorry Paul, I was just..." Lazlo didn't have time to finish his sentence.
"There's someone I want you to meet, come with me" Paul said as he pushed the door to the mysterious room closed.

Paul and Lazlo walked into the pickup winding room. "Lazlo, meet Gloria."
"Hi i'm Lazlo Buzzdriver."
"HI Lazlo, i'm Gloria Sass" She said in low, smoky voice. "Pleased to meet you Gloria Saas" Lazlo said in return. His voiced suddenly higher piched.

Gloria was the kind of woman you only see in movies but rarely in real life. Five feet and five inches of perfection. Her long dark hair billowed gently down her smooth, perfectly defined face. A perfect frame for her sparkling brown eyes and full, sensual lips Despite the freezing temperatures outside it was comforatble inside the factory. Naturally, Gloria was dressed in the bare minimum which showed off her curvy figure to the maximum. "I'll leave you two to chat, I need to call the President!" With that Paul headed up to his office.

Paul's office was relatively threadbare, save for various guitar parts and some pictures on the wall. He reached for the telephone which suddenly seemed leaden with the weight of the call he was about to make. He dialled the number carefully before hitting dial.
"The White House, how can I help you" The voice enquired.
"It's Paul Smith, get me President Grissom!" He demanded.
"I don't think the President needs a new jumper Mr Smith"
"I'm not the English fashion designer!!! I'm Paul Reed Smith!"
"I'm sorry Mr Smith. I'll get the President right away!"

Moments later Paul heard the familiar Texan drawl. "Hey Paul, how can I help?"
"Mr President..."
"Call me David, we're friends."
"David.... We've got a major problem!." Paul explained the situation to Grissom.
" Okay Paul, i'll get my best men down there as soon as I can. And don't forget... WE need to fill the Unicorn Gap!"

This was going to be a battle to end all battles...

rugerpc
01-23-2013, 08:35 PM
Gloria reminded Lazlo of Autumn Sky, but with a twist. Where Gloria was curvy, Autumn was perky. Gloria's brown eyes were deep and mysterious where Autumn's eyes were the multi-hued browns and golds of changing leaves. Gloria's hair was long and black, almost silky. Autumn had brown hair which, like her eyes, had many hi lights of the season of her namesake.

Gloria felt Lazlo's eyes on her and turned to meet his gaze with a smile. But she instead saw in Lazlo's eyes the unmistakable yearning for another woman. No matter, Gloria could have her pick of any of the skilled and muscular workers in the plant.

"Come," said Gloria. "Paul wanted me to show you the new UX 409 pickups we've made to better kill the unicorns. The 'UX' is for 'Unicorn eXtermination'. They are based on the new 408 pickups but they are specially tuned, much hotter and potted in a specially developed wax." Lazlo followed her past shipping and through final assembly into the small electronics section. There, to his surprise, Lazlo came face to face with a huge smile wearing a plaid shirt. It was Davy Knowles.

http://i1073.photobucket.com/albums/w382/rugerpc/Guitars/PRS%20Experience%202012/Knowles5_zps8fe53ab4.jpg

Lazlo and Davy were old friends, of course, ever since Lazlo's old band "Front Door Slam" had opened for Davy's old band.

LSchefman
01-23-2013, 09:13 PM
Ani Wan Buttme knew the power of The Farce to confuse the easily led, as he boldly strolled into the zombie enclosure in a cleverly improvised zombie disguise, appearing to be a zombie football coach. He was stopped by a sentry, who asked, "Who goes there?"

"Jim Hard-Ball," he replied. "What's your deal""

"What's *your* deal," said the sentry, confused.

"I asked you 'What's your deal' first. Don't try to 'What's your deal' me when I'm 'What's your dealing' you. I'm here to see Izmore and coach him up. Let me pass."

"Let him pass!" shouted the sentry. "He's a coach. Move along."

Ani-Wan stealthily moved toward Izmor's tent, and opened the flap just enough to see inside. Too late. Autumn Sky had been moved. "Ani-Wan let out his breath and muttered, "Dang."

"Dang indeed." It was Izmor. Ani-Wan hadn't heard him. Izmore wasn't fooled. His zombie club came down on Buttme's head, hard, and the older man crumpled to the ground.

"I played for Hard-Ball after he took a job in Detroit. And you sure as hell ain't him," he snarled.

docbennett
01-24-2013, 06:27 AM
Interlude....cue the "calliope music"


http://www.planetpals.com/weather/rainbow.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GL-JfPHCj3I/Tb_zrNTOZbI/AAAAAAAAABw/X8BByO04uSY/s1600/Eastern%2BEurope%2BUnicorn.jpg

http://massholemommy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/zombies.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c9/Paul_Reed_Smith.jpg/220px-Paul_Reed_Smith.jpg


OK...back to the story!!

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 08:18 AM
T'ok M'gill wheeled her Vespa around the long curving side of the stables. She picked up the leather mallet and rang the triangular bell. Hard.

The stable girl Counta appeared presently wearing dirty overalls and sandals. "May I help you?"

M'gill snorted through her human mask and said, "I'm here for my Uni - uh- horse. I'm Jane Buzzdriver."

Counta mumbled something under her breath and pointed to the cubit stables beyond. M'gill strode off ahead, up the gangplank into the hay filled array of cubits.

She saw green alligators and long necked geese, some humpy-backed camels and some chimpanzees. Some cats and rats and elephants, but as sure as she was born, she just couldn't find her unicorn.

M'gill wheeled on Counta, "Where the hell is my 'horse'?"

"I'm afraid that your 'horse' saw another 'horse' while exercising and it jumped the fence. We're very sorry…"

M'gill's mind raced. Then she got it. Counta was not human, she was a No:ah. It explained the diversity of the stable, and the poor attention to the unicorn.

No:ah Counta was backing away slowly. She had suspected that Jane Buzzdriver was a T'ok ever since she stabled her 'horse' at the Arc Stables. The No:ah hated the T'ok and particularly the unicorns, especially after that last really rainy season on Earth.

The No:ah were a nomadic people, easily blending in with humanoids across the galaxy. They were animal rights activists and tended to set up Arc shelters where ever they settled.

T'ok M'gill glared at No:ah Counta, "Did you at least keep my saddle and gear?" Counta pointed a shaky finger at the corner.

Then, with no warning, T'ok M'gill pushed No:ah Counta backwards into the large watering trough where she sank and drowned.

"Moron."

The No:ah blended in with humanoids only to a point. Their being extraterrestrials made them about three and a half times denser on Earth. And, as a race, they hated water - they never learned to swim.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 08:49 AM
Jumba-Jimba rolled the unicorn corpse off of his damaged leg. He'd been through this kind of thing before. He ripped off the useless leg at the hip joint and then scooted to the dead unicorn. With zombie strength he ripped off the left hind leg of the unicorn in exactly the same way, the ball of its femur protruding from the flesh oozing silver unicorn blood.

Jumba sucked the unicorn blood out of the femoral vein and artery lustily and swallowed. Unicorn blood had a strange effect on zombies - it was like pure alcohol, but without the hangover. He jammed the ball of the unicorn femur into his hip socket with a squishy 'plop' just as the rush hit.

He stood and tested his new leg. "Good as new!" he thought to himself. He quickly diced the carcass of the unicorn and loaded it onto one of the two unicorns Day-O had left him. Climbing aboard a second steed, he spurred the unicorn into a gallop to catch up with the rest of the unit. Holding the reigns of the pack unicorn to follow, he emitted a great, silver fart. The cloud of zombie fart tinged with unicorn blood took several minutes to dissipate after Jumba was gone.

docbennett
01-24-2013, 08:54 AM
I'll bet none of this stuff ever really happened.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 09:05 AM
I'll bet none of this stuff ever really happened.

Maybe the reality sensors on your Vogon Construction Ship need re-aligning....

LSchefman
01-24-2013, 09:06 AM
Ruger, your last story post is genius. Really. Still laughing here!

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 09:18 AM
Ruger, your last story post is genius. Really. Still laughing here!

:biggrin: I almost injured myself with the song in the arc.... it cracks me up every time I re-read it.

docbennett
01-24-2013, 09:41 AM
Maybe the reality sensors on your Vogon Construction Ship need re-aligning....

Sorry to derail, but it's purely for construction and demolition. We blast planets to make room for the interplanetary superhighway. No reality sensors on board, but we do use the infinite probability drive to get from point A to point B. But that's an entirely different story.

Back to the continuing saga.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 10:07 AM
There was a flurry of activity in the zombie camp near the Charlestown, WV races. The zombies were in good spirits having received yet another T'ok shipment of unicorns and audio locators.

The rank and file zombies were trying them both out riding up and down the racetrack shooting each other with paintball guns and then checking the audio locators. As a yellow ball slammed hard into zombie Tab-itha's right hip, she sang an old zombie tune apropro to their current camp location, "Camp Town Races, sing this song, Do Da, Do Da…"

Zombie unit leader En-doraa heard her granddaughter Tab-itha across the infield, but she had other things on her mind. Her daughter Sam-anntha was her second in command and was looking worried. Zombie Darr-In had ridden off yesterday to meet with Mor Izmor and had not been heard from since.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 10:36 AM
Davy Knowles had reason to smile. He pointed to a large beaker with Darr-in's zombie brain soaking in KC Masterpiece. "Caught this runner just outside of Frederick, Maryland on my why here. It took two stanzas of Come Home to drop his unicorn steed. Then I popped him in his left eye with this."

Davy held up an old Colt Buntline Special with its twelve inch barrel, chambered in the potent .45 Colt. "I got this from President Grissom himself after a really cool jam at the Experience last year."

Lazlo gave Davy a big grin. He knew that Davy would share the sweet zombie brain with him for lunch.

"I'm here to get some pup upgrades, I hear the new pups can drop a unicorn with just one well fingered power chord," said Davy. Gloria, despite her sultry self-confidence, blushed when the handsome Knowles looked at her.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 11:33 AM
T'ok Tuu'meeh crabbed his T'ok fighter De'videby'zheero sideways across the sky towards the mothership Snow White. He had been escorting T'ok Tofutuur'kay above the Stevensville plant when the Solothurn had ripped the latter's ship to shreds. Shrapnel from the exploding Dopey had taken out his entire forward mirror array. The result being that T'ok Tuu'meeh had to keep his aft mirror array towards Earth to stay hidden.

The sidewise progress was slow and dangerous and required all of his skills. There was no time to spare to contact the mothership and relate what had happened to T'ok Tofuturr'kay or the massive firepower surrounding the Kent Island plant. He steadfastly followed an eons-long principal of flying: aviate, navigate, communicate. That is, the task priority was in that order and at the present time, he could spare no time for communications.

]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©
01-24-2013, 11:35 AM
I need to read this thread and participate. I love creative writing.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 11:39 AM
-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! ©;43922']I need to read this thread and participate. I love creative writing.

looking forward to it :)

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 02:30 PM
Mot D-hoople drug Ani Wan Buttme's limp body into the tent holding Autumn Sky. Before leaving, he remembered Mor Izmor's directive to keep an eye on her. Dutifully, he reached into his right eye socket and pulled out his eye with a plop. To the disgust and revulsion of Autumn, he affixed it to her right thigh with a bit of slime looking up at her. "I might as well enjoy the view," he thought to himself and left.

Then Autumn was alone with Buttme - save for the staring eyeball on her thigh. She recognized the old Farce Master as Lazlo's grandfather. Even if she had not known him personally, she would have known of his reputation.

She picked up a dirty rag and wet it in the small terrine of filthy water in front of her and cleaned the large gash on the back of Buttme's skull.

"Some rescue," she said softly, channeling another princess in a galaxy far, far away.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 02:49 PM
Ani Wan Buttme's head was on fire. He had double vision and he was still weak. He looked up from Autumn's left thigh and caught a glimpse of her frilly panties. On Autumn's right thigh, Mot D-hoople's disembodied eye was enjoying the same view.

Seeing the eye, Buttme uttered his first words since waking up, "I wrote a song about zombies liking frilly panties once…"

Autum blushed and shifted her short skirt a bit. She needn't have bothered, Buttme was completely devoted to his wife Nobedee Wan. The move cut off the zombie eye's view as well and the eye was looking a bit piqued.

Across the compound, Mot D-hoople cursed, "Damn, can't ever catch a break."

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 04:04 PM
Lazlo was wandering the factory again, The zombie brain he had shared with Knowles had hit the spot and he allowed his mind to wander in the midst of the organized chaos of the extra workers.

He thought of Autumn Sky. He knew he must find her before the zombies did and that he had always loved her. As he strolled the plant, he composed a new song.

Where oh where
Are you tonight?
Why did you leave me
Here all alone?
I searched the world over and
Thought I'd found true love
You met another and
Thbbbtt, you was gone….

docbennett
01-24-2013, 04:28 PM
I am reading this thread, and would just like to make a sidebar comment.

I have realized that this thread, and the creative writing aspect of it....has become crack cocaine for our friend Ruger. He takes a hit....he waits anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours....the moments stretch...he fights the urge.....and then...another hit.

The pattern is clear. You have found your addiction, and it is zombie and unicorn based. I guesss it's based on gravity and "perkiness" as well.

I wish you well. The withdrawal process is excruciating.




:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

This sidebar shall IN NO WAY be construed as anything but a positive commentary on Ruger's writing skills and hope that he shall continue his addiction unabated.

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 04:41 PM
I am reading this thread, and would just like to make a sidebar comment.

I have realized that this thread, and the creative writing aspect of it....has become crack cocaine for our friend Ruger. He takes a hit....he waits anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours....the moments stretch...he fights the urge.....and then...another hit.

The pattern is clear. You have found your addiction, and it is zombie and unicorn based. I guesss it's based on gravity and "perkiness" as well.

I wish you well. The withdrawal process is excruciating.




:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

This sidebar shall IN NO WAY be construed as anything but a positive commentary on Ruger's writing skills and hope that he shall continue his addiction unabated.

I'm just filling in waiting for Les and Mike to continue. And Hans - can't wait to read what comes out of his noodle. And, you are correct, it is addictive. I'll be doing other things and a new blurb will just pop into my head. It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's a blessing and a curse. I just hope I'm not boring people or putting them off.

I'm having fun and I do hope that others will join in and contribute.

But it's not cocaine for me. I could stop at any time, really I could. No need for a keyboard intervention. Step away from my mouse...

docbennett
01-24-2013, 05:10 PM
I'm just filling in waiting for Les and Mike to continue. And Hans - can't wait to read what comes out of his noodle. And, you are correct, it is addictive. I'll be doing other things and a new blurb will just pop into my head. It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's a blessing and a curse. I just hope I'm not boring people or putting them off.

I'm having fun and I do hope that others will join in and contribute.

But it's not cocaine for me. I could stop at any time, really I could. No need for a keyboard intervention. Step away from my mouse...

I hope you understood the spirit my levity was intended. You happen to be a fantastic word smith, and your use of subtle puns and creative spin is very much appreciated. I sure hope you took it that way.


Now...get back to the story, dammit!!

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 07:01 PM
"How are you feeling?" asked Autumn.

"Still groggy. My right ear feels a bit too soft." replied Buttme.

"That's because your head is still on my thigh."

"Oh, that explains it. It hasn't felt that good in years." He managed a wink as he sat up holding his head. Autumn blushed again.

"I knew your grandmother, you know." he said.

"No, I didn't know that." Autumn thought of her grandmother, Princess Summerfall Winterspring. She knew that she used to live in Doobieville. She was a great warrior, but she died a useless death. Autumn sighed as she thought of her grandmother dying of terminal munchies, choking on a Twinkie. "I'm glad they don't make those damn things any more." she muttered aloud.

"What? What's that?" asked Buttme.

Autumn was indeed a princess, but the memory of her grandmother's death and her current situation had made her morose.

"You came in here, but didn't you have a plan for getting out?" she snapped, still channeling that other princess in a galaxy far, far away. She regretted it immediately, huge tears filling her eyes.

Mikegarveyblues
01-24-2013, 07:23 PM
I'm just filling in waiting for Les and Mike to continue. And Hans - can't wait to read what comes out of his noodle. And, you are correct, it is addictive. I'll be doing other things and a new blurb will just pop into my head. It's a blessing. It's a curse. It's a blessing and a curse. I just hope I'm not boring people or putting them off.

I'm having fun and I do hope that others will join in and contribute.

But it's not cocaine for me. I could stop at any time, really I could. No need for a keyboard intervention. Step away from my mouse...

It is fun!

Interesting new plot (Perhaps) with Davy Knowles getting it on with Gloria Sass!

I'll try and contribute a little more tomorrow:

Here's the list Ruger created again for reference. The character list is growing and the spelling of the names is important! :)


Heros:
Lazlo Buzzdriver
Ani Wan Buttme
Nobedee Wan Buttme
Yngwie
Schefman
Skitchy
Shawn Huthall
Paul Reed Smith
Carlos Santana
Mike Deeley
Autumn Sky (princess)
Mike Ault
Tony McManus
Bennett
^ Gloria Sass
^ President David Grissom
^ Highlander (eaten)
^ Bernie Marsden
^ Davy Knowles
^ Princess Summerfall Winterspring (Twinkied)

*******
Zombies:
Mor Izmor
Man-Dye Day-O
Jumba-Jimba
^ Tab-itha
^ En-doraa
^ Sam-anntha
^ Darr-in (dispatched)
^ Mot D-hoople

********
T'ok (Gorn'shdt):
Jane Buzzdriver (T'ok M'gill, aka L'ill, aka N'ancy)
T'ok Tewmuch
T'ok Schmaak
Grand T'ok Schiddt
T'ok Tofuturr'kay (destroyed)
T'ok Abhout'it
List'sin Twodoo'hr Mut'sik
^ T'ok Tuu'meeh

T'ok Ships:
Snow White (mothership)
Sneezy (cargo)
Dopey (scout :: destroyed)
^De'videby'zeehro (fighter)

T'ok home planet:
Gorn'shdt
locations:
Mak Shi'tup

********
^ The No:ah:
^ No:ah Counta (drowned)

LSchefman
01-24-2013, 07:38 PM
"T'ok Nancy! I haven't sniffed you in a dithnupian's age!" It was T'ok Abhoudit.

"How did you get here?" she wondered aloud. She remembered the last time he sniffed her. It had been a pretty good evening, even though he hadn't completely satisfied her. But then, so few ever did. That's why she killed and ate most of them afterward.

"I can't tell you how I got here," he said. "The guy who's writing my dialog right now can't really remember the plot, he's been in the studio a lot lately. But he can think of a few preposterous things to say every now and then, even though he can't compete with Ruger when it comes to thighs and perkiness."

"I'm not into perkiness," said Nancy, revealing her most unperky but very appealing cleavage as she bent over to return the sniff.

OK, she's a nasty alien, but even the most awful of aliens can have cleavage, if it moves the story along... ;)

rugerpc
01-24-2013, 08:15 PM
OK, she's a nasty alien, but even the most awful of aliens can have cleavage, if it moves the story along... ;)

Indeed. How else could she have kept Lazlo's mind off of Autumn whie pretnpending to be his human wife?

LSchefman
01-24-2013, 08:23 PM
Indeed. How else could she have kept Lazlo's mind off of Autumn whie pretnpending to be his human wife?

Maybe Laz is a leg man.

Mikegarveyblues
01-24-2013, 08:35 PM
His stomach now full on the feast of Zombie Brain, Davy Knowles took a sip of water and picked out a small sliver of skull that had wedged beween his teeth. Again, he cought the eye of Gloria Sass and decided he would make the move first. Picking up an Angelus acoustic with a European Spruce with maple purfling top and it's Proprietary Robson-Designed Tuners he walked over to Gloria.
"You going to seranade me Davy" She purred.
"New song I wrote just for you!" Davy said as he fished a plectrum from his pocket. "Okay, here goes..."

"Hey Gloria
Glo-ri-a Sass
I'd like to lay down with you
In the long green grass

Hey Gloria
Glo-ri-a Sass
I love the way you move
Like Liquified Petroloeum Gas

Hold on while I take a solo

Oh Gloria, the way you move
Like a needle in the groove
Dancing to the tune
like an electrocuted Baboon

Your face is so divine
Like a Uraguayan Potato Vine
I like you Glo ree yaa
Your'e a bit like Eva Long orrr reee yah

Ok, outro solo"

Lazlo felt a little sorrowful watching Davy play confidently for Gloria. Sure, she was cute but not for him. He'd keep his new song to himself as he knew who he really wanted to perform for. He just hoped he'd get the chance. He fished a book from his back pocket.
"The Twenty One Rules Of Tony... I should really get to grips with this." But he just stared at the cover and thought of Autumn.

LSchefman
01-24-2013, 09:02 PM
"Poor Laz," thought Ani-Wan. "I know he loves this girl, Autumn, but there's something about her he doesn't know, couldn't know. Like all female descendants of the Winterspring female warrior clan, who use men solely for reproductive purposes, she was not heterosexual. But the Wintersprings refuse to come out of the closet until they reproduce.

And I promised her grandmother that I would keep the secret. I sure hope he can read her aura with the help of The Farce."

Mikegarveyblues
01-24-2013, 09:07 PM
http://i906.photobucket.com/albums/ac267/df853/omg-cat.jpg

LSchefman
01-24-2013, 09:19 PM
Mor Izmor rode his unicorn to the head of his column of The 10,000 Immortals, who were also mounted and lined up along a mile-long front, swords and blasters at their sides, zombie clubs at the ready. This incursion was going to make or break the outcome of the war. He rode past his zombies like a general reviewing his troops, their tin foil helmets glittering in the afternoon sky, their unicorns snorting and kicking up the ground, before the night attack would begin.

"Zombies of the Ten Thousand Immortals," he shouted, "Our honor demands victory! Our courage says that we will never surrender an inch of ground to the humans who have not yet died! For a thousand years this coming battle will be remembered, and the names of the heroes will be on the lips of zombie children!"

"Do you want total war?!" he roared.

Ten thousand zombie voices rose as one. "Yes!"

"Are you willing to risk a second death rather than dishonor our zombie legacy!"

They shouted again; "Yes!"

"Are you willing to ride into a hail of bullets knowing full well the humans will eat your brains if you fall!"

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few heartbeats. The zombies looked around at each other nervously for a moment. The shout was less unanimous. "Uh, Sure!"

"If they shoot nuclear weapons at us, will you ride with me!!!"

Another silence, the unicorns stirred. One zombie yelled, "He is asking for our honor! Are you with him!!!"

"I guess so!" Came the unanimous reply.

Izmor tried a less fearful approach this time. "Who is with me to rape, pillage, gain revenge, and eat humans!!!!"

They all cheered.

"That was close," thought Mor. Then he yelled: "Yeeeee-haaaaaaa!" and took off at a gallop. The other 9,999 Immortals spurred their unicorns and followed in pursuit.

No one knows how Wilhelm Furtwangler and the Vienna Philarmonic's recording of Wagner's "Ritt der Walküren" suddenly started playing so loudly in the background as the zombies took off, but everyone who was there swears they heard it.

****

Tied up in the tent, Buttme chuckled. "Kill the Wabbit, Kill the Wabbit..." he sang, as he thought of the Warner Brothers cartoon with the same melody...then he easily united himself, went over to the zombies' primitive record player, and turned it off.

rugerpc
01-25-2013, 01:56 AM
Coffey Music in Westminster MD was surrounded. It was a predictable target, being the only Authorized PRS Dealer in Carroll County. But Bob Coffey was more than prepared.He had a huge selection of PRSi and a crack staff led by Salesman Greg. There was also BillSAS who wielded his Swamp Ash Special viciously when needed. Bob had his own ringer, Christopher James. Chris had forgotten more blues licks than most people knew. Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, Buddy Guy, Robert Johnson, B.B King - he knew them all.

Bob had his staff make a defensive perimeter with his most powerful amps. There were all of the PRS designs along with Marshals and high end Hughes and Kettners. On his signal, everyone plugged in and let loose. The unicorn steeds were massacred. The zombie troops were in disarray, their steeds falling dead beneath them.

In the turmoil, the gun emplacements on the roof opened up. The noise was cacophonous. This was Carroll County after all. Hundreds of loyal Coffey Music Customers line the roof with their own weapons. They went through cases of ammo and vats of KC Masterpiece. The battle of Westminster was over. The streets were slippery with silver unicorn blood and the people feasted.

rugerpc
01-25-2013, 01:57 AM
Paul assembled a small group. Besides Lazlo, there was Mike Ault, Davy Knowles and the Grainger Brothers. Paul handed each of them a goldtop with the new UX 409 pups installed, Greg Grainger, being a drummer, got one with a Roland interface set to "Killer Drums." Gary Grainger of course had a signature bass, but it was fitted with UXB 409s.

Pauls axe was a DGTØ prototype with UX 4Ø9s.

http://i1073.photobucket.com/albums/w382/rugerpc/Guitars/PRS%20Core%20Electric/DGT0.jpg

Paul led them to the loading dock where another joined their party. Sir Geo the White used to be a guitar tech for Santana. But when Carlos switched to PRS guitars, he found that they played so well straight out of the box and were so easy to maintain, he let most of his techs go. Sir Geo was now a rap/hiphop artist who favored PRS Guitars, especially the CEs.

On the loading dock were seven highly modified Arctic Cat 4 wheelers. Paul said they could go 97 mph before they even got into their big hemi's power curve. Each Cat had an HX/DA and large 4 by cab. As if that was not enough, Pauls staff had mounted a GE Mini Gun on a turret above the speaker cab on each one.

"We're going across the pond to Annapolis and try out these new pups." Paul grinned. With that, they mounted up and roared down the ramp at the NorthWest corner of the building.

rugerpc
01-25-2013, 01:58 AM
Just North of Rt. 50, Paul's caravan found an expeditionary force. The zombies formed a skirmish line almost a mile long. The PRS faithful wavered a bit, but Paul just winked at them. He pulled on his Brain Scan/Brain Switching Beanie and thought of his most distorted tone, the DGTØ responded by dirtying up nicely and sending a likewise signal to the HX/DA behind him. It was only then that the troupe noticed that all the amps went to "11." Paul noodled out Imagine and unicorns began to fall. When he got to the power chord he liked to throw into his rendition, many more fell.

The Grainger brothers smiled and set off into a funky groove. Unicorns were crushing their masters to get away. Mike Ault joined in and the melee started. Davy Knowles put down some crushing leads and Sir Geo the White laid down a vicious rap. Lazlo countered with the opening riff from his grandfather's Zombie Death:

D G Bb C Db~~~ C....

The seven of them put their GE Mini Guns on AUTO-TRAC. The sound was deafening, like ripping fabric only impossibly loud. The sweet smell of KC Masterpiece filled the air.

It was over. Paul grinned and said, "Was that STUPID or What!?! Let's get back to the ranch." There were more battles yet to come.

rugerpc
01-25-2013, 09:22 PM
There were more battles yet to come.

or not...

LSchefman
01-25-2013, 10:01 PM
or not...

In the basement of the former Detroit Central Station, now a wrecked shell, but turned into a secret bunker, Mor Izmor reported to his T'ok handlers.

"We were outgunned and outflanked by Smith and his PRS Army," the zombie reported. "Although we were inspired by the fervor that we shared with our T'ok comrades to take over the earth, we have not been able to carry out our mission."

Grand T'ok Schiddt shifted uneasily in his seat. He was flanked by Nancy and T'ok Abhoudit, who looked nervous.

"I commanded you to achieve a victory," said the T'ok leader. "I gave you weapons and unicorns. I gave you backing and guidance. You have failed our cause. You have failed me. And I promised the T'ok Earth. Or at least Maryland. What am I to tell them now?"

Izmor lowered his head. He was not afraid of death. He'd been there before.

Nancy and Abhoudit knew what lay in store for themselves on the home planet. Under Izmor's curious gaze, they immediately drew their weapons, and stuck them in their mouths, and pulled the triggers. Brains and blood were everywhere. Izmor became suddenly very hungry.

"Have your last meal, Mor," said Schiddt.

As the zombie ate, Schiddt drew an unusual weapon from his belt, and with a look of sadness, vaporized Izmor. Then he turned the weapon on himself.

LSchefman
01-25-2013, 10:09 PM
Word of the T'ok suicides had gotten out. Back at PRS HQ, the door opened during the celebration. Ani Wan and Autumn Sky appeared to a warm welcome. As the drinks flowed, and the stories were recounted, Autumn and Gloria Sass locked eyes, and then looked away shyly.

Davy couldn't help but take notice, and as an idea began to form, a smile crossed his face.

"This could be more fun than I originally thought," he said to himself.

(cue James Bond Theme)



************************************************** ************************************************** ************

Thanks everyone who contributed! It was fun!

docbennett
01-26-2013, 07:04 AM
And, so the denouement of the zombies. There were a surplus of unicorns. Not too many rainbows, however.

docbennett
01-26-2013, 07:18 AM
You know what is going to be great? Every time that Davey Knowles and Dave Grissom are googled, they may show up in this thread. I'd love to see the expression on some guy's face who'se trying to Google some information on one of those guitarists and winds up with this thread.

I can see it now...a 6th grade social studies project on contemporary music. Kid shouts out to his parents..."Mom...Dad....I have to write this report on a current musician, but when I looked him up, they said he was dead, and that he was the President of the United States.

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 08:30 AM
alternate ending:

Newly promoted T'ok Twodoo'hr Mut'sik surveyed the Snow White bridge. Grand T'ok Schiddt, T'ok Abhouut'it and the spy T'ok N'ancy had disgraced themselves in the Detroit bunker. The Bunker stats on Earth were now a dismal 0 and 2.

T'ok Twodoo'hr Mut'sik was having none of it. He rallied the bridge crew into action. On new orders, T'ok Schmaak was manouvering Snow White directly over Kent Island. T'ok Tewmuch, relieved from the eugenics controls was at the Weapon's Station and Tactical. "T'ok Twodoo'hr Mut'sik, we will need to be in the atmosphere no higher than 10,000 feet for the Dampening Ray to be effective." he said.

"That's Grand T'ok Twodoo'hr Mut'sik. Make it so."

**

"Hold it right there, T'ok Schiddt. Don't you want a last meal too?"

Stunned, Schiddt turned. Through the still hanging haze that used to be Mor Izmor, he could just make out Ani Wan Buttme and Autumn Sky. In Buttem's hand was an inviting bucket of raw sewage. In Sky's hand was a flaying knife.

Shiddt wavered, then overcome, he dropped his weapon and slammed his head into the bucked gulping greedily. With a deft stroke, Sky removed the skin from the nape of his neck. Schiddt removed his head from the pale, dripping sewage. Deftly Buttme first garroted, then decapitated him with a wound G string.

**

Smith knew the celebration was premature. He had had a long conservation with Mike Deeley about the T'ok ship Deeley had blasted. Smith had an inspiration. He ordered the large forty eight foot PRS mirrored disco ball be hauled up to the roof, set on a revolving mount and illuminated. He then rallied the factory for the turkey shoot he knew was coming.

**

Easing Snow White out of a cloud bank, puffing smoke and angling mirrors, Grand T'ok Twodoo'hr Mut'sik deployed his fighters and prepared to take his final revenge. As he descended to just below 9,000 feet, he ordered T'ok Tewmuch to set the controls of the Dampening Ray to their highest setting - MUTE.

Below on the roof of the factory, Smith grinned. The thousands of tiny mirrors on the disco ball reflected the PRS stage lights skyward in overlapping patterns. Each time a reflected beam hit a T'ok ship's own mirrors, a glint appeared in the sky. Smith gave the order for his Solothurn gun emplacements to fire at will.

The sander Will quickly clarified that the guns should be trained on the glints in the sky and not on him.

It was indeed a turkey shoot. The Solothurns barked from the rooftop and the perimeter. T'ok fighters were falling from the sky into the Chesapeake Bay and onto the lawns of the expensive mansions on Kent Island North of the factory. Davy Knowles grinned up at the sky and started composing a song about shooting stars.

Snow White was riddled and plunged into the Bay just south of the older span of the Bay Bridge. The Rockfish fishing around the new reef wreckage formed would be unparalleled for decades.

**

As the last of the fighters were dropping from the sky, Ani Wan Buttme and Sky arrived. Sky was driving the newly designed 2013 Corvette she schmoozed from a factory rep in the Detroit plant.

Lazlo raced down the stair from the roof and into the arms of sky and kissed her deeply. He stepped back a pace and shyly gave her the Wonderbra he had been carrying close to his heart for so long. Sky took Lazlo's hand and led him to the small space between the KC Masterpiece silos and the North West corner of the building. She slipped of her dirty shirt to reveal the perkiness underneath. As Lazlo watched, she put on the Wonderbra and adjusted it.

Looking down herself, Sky saw that for the first time in her life, she had cleavage. Sky presented Lazlo with a new little nape skin pouch. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she hugged Lazlo so hard she almost crushed him. She knew that she could be hetero now and entirely devoted to Lazlo, she no longer needed to search for cleavage somewhere else.

Somewhere in Carroll County, a No:ah drowned the last unicorn on Earth. "Moron," he muttered.

Cue credits and music: "We'll Meet Again."

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 09:19 AM
Epilogue during credits:

Davy Knowles woke up in a cold sweat. The leavings of most of a case of Natty Bo and not a few Pollock Johnnies strewn on the floor near the bed merely confirmed what he already suspected. An overindulgent night of Maryland dogs and beer had him dreaming again.

Glori Sass slept peacefully beside him. Davy got up to wash his face and stumbled on his Schefman voodoo doll, cursing it iconically...

Somewhere in Detroit, while working on a jingle for the new 2013 Corvette, Les felt a second unexplained pain in as many days...

The story closes with Bennett hard at work in his voodoo doll workshop. Joining the shelf of Shefman dolls were now Mike Garvey Dolls and Doc Bill dolls. Bennett chortles maniacally to himself as the scene fades.

docbennett
01-26-2013, 09:32 AM
Epilogue during credits....The story closes with Bennett hard at work in his voodoo doll workshop. Joining the line of Shefman doll were now Mike Garvey Dolls and Doc Bill dolls. Bennett chortles maniacally to himself as the scene fades.


http://www.dayuvoodoodolls.com/pic/DY-VD021.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=7UoESiOQuhBxgM&tbnid=grDkf_Gaic4fmM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dayuvoodoodolls.com%2F&ei=jPcDUbSwB-H50gGkk4CYBg&psig=AFQjCNEF6hroF8TJDxwacmk0jX2n8QCKsw&ust=1359300876155188)


http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/voodoo-doll_163.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=kldVUsrSXfRRIM&tbnid=61aPgE2q8SjZVM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.ph p%2FMain%2FVoodooDoll&ei=-fUDUYiSK8P40gGOx4HQBw&psig=AFQjCNHZYWMSGl_e1o7eH4Lt0tV-2Kb4vQ&ust=1359300473758092)
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mXMi3IlzmOo/UDJi-NxvGyI/AAAAAAAAAF0/7K6rRkW8C1k/s1600/voodoo-dolls-large.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=9w7T8yoZhT2K2M&tbnid=0v8a40q4kFsT_M:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fyzabettasativa.blogspot.com%2F201 2%2F08%2Fits-monkey-screeching-hazmat-suit.html&ei=LvYDUar8K8TC0AGUqYGgDw&psig=AFQjCNEw6tmZb_lQ3H1czFLqTKlM6WiDbg&ust=1359300526753267)

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-bQDWY1SbfU/S1bA6bLQtII/AAAAAAAAAgM/eStLgDpR3S0/s400/Voodoo_Dolls.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=7k6JM0NvL4EKkM&tbnid=hB7SQ8OyHzaL2M:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fjill-des.blogspot.com%2F2010%2F01%2Fvoodoo-doll-attack.html&ei=YfYDUbagEpS60AHA0oG4Aw&psig=AFQjCNFhXHWI2_hFsaVysiloM-BR19a5Ag&ust=1359300577349575)





Bennett chortles maniacally to himself as the scene fades.

http://blog.mashery.com/sites/default/files/images/mad_scientist.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=-GPTZmkK-h-5EM&tbnid=92ARRh24CgPwnM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fblog.mashery.com%2Fcontent%2Fmad-scientist&ei=ePYDUbG-Aaea0QG184GgAg&psig=AFQjCNEugdOPooOjkXrVG0Sn_pFr74r21w&ust=1359300600052800)


In order of sequence above... The Shefman doll, the Mike Garvey Dolls and the Doc Bill dolls. Last scene would be a quick snap of myself at work.

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 10:09 AM
:beer: :five: Bennett...

Davy Knowles slumped back into bed sleepily. "It was all a dream," he muttered to himself as he gave a small pat to Gloria Sass on Gloria's ass.

LSchefman
01-26-2013, 10:44 AM
And, so the denouement of the zombies. There were a surplus of unicorns. Not too many rainbows, however.

Wherever there are unicorns, there are rainbows.

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 11:33 AM
You know what is going to be great? Every time that Davey Knowles and Dave Grissom are googled, they may show up in this thread. I'd love to see the expression on some guy's face who'se trying to Google some information on one of those guitarists and winds up with this thread.

if the search parameters are right, they won't have to wait long... :biggrin:

http://i1073.photobucket.com/albums/w382/rugerpc/Just%20for%20fun/Zombie1.jpg

Mikegarveyblues
01-26-2013, 12:23 PM
It's been fun chaps!

So, Lazlo got Autumn after all, Davey got some Gloria Sass, the bad guys where defeated and PRS was saved and got to NAMM. The way all good stories should end! :)

My Voodoo doll needs a little more padding around the stomach area! ;)

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 01:46 PM
My Voodoo doll needs a little more padding around the stomach area! ;)

Les's voodoo doll is kinda cool. My voodoo doll evidently has multiple personalities...

LSchefman
01-26-2013, 02:40 PM
Mike, Ruger -- you guys made this a lot of fun! Great writing!

And what would life be like without a critic (looking at you, Bennett ;))?

rugerpc
01-26-2013, 08:20 PM
Mike, Ruger -- you guys made this a lot of fun! Great writing!

And what would life be like without a critic (looking at you, Bennett ;))?

So, what's next, Les?

LSchefman
01-26-2013, 09:01 PM
So, what's next, Les?

I dunno...maybe a recording project? What say you, Ruger?

docbennett
01-27-2013, 06:53 AM
And what would life be like without a critic (looking at you, Bennett ;))?

Not intentional my friends...It was more of a "sideline commentary" as the experts went about their business.

http://www.noisenarcs.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/The-Critic-1-1-web.jpg (http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=wUZ2YTpBYk3uKM&tbnid=cl1YZvBWbG23AM:&ved=0CAgQjRwwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fnoisenarcs.com%2F2010%2F06%2F03%2 Fdont-believe-the-critic-nashs-songs-for-beginners%2F&ei=SyMFUYH9EbPp0QHpwIDwCA&psig=AFQjCNHkyewoOV56mZcq-3vsRCfwM8MWMA&ust=1359377611327791)

LSchefman
01-28-2013, 09:44 PM
Not intentional my friends...It was more of a "sideline commentary" as the experts went about their business.

More like Mystery Science Theater...

rugerpc
01-29-2013, 08:18 AM
So, what's next, Les?


I dunno...maybe a recording project? What say you, Ruger?

ME record something? My chops aren't chopped yet.... (what ya got in mind?)

LSchefman
01-29-2013, 09:02 AM
ME record something? My chops aren't chopped yet.... (what ya got in mind?)

Chops? Not to worry.

Good musical parts can be made with whole and half notes just as as well as with 32nd notes. In fact, think about what a great guitar part the "Satisfaction" hook is. An interesting melodic idea, repeated. Simple to play.

I'd rather listen to something like that than a bunch of meaningless noodling, wouldn't you?

Anyway, I was thinking maybe I'd create a backing track and let people play on it, after I finish a couple of projects.

docbennett
01-29-2013, 09:13 AM
Chops? Not to worry. Good musical parts can be made with whole and half notes just as as well as with 32nd notes. In fact, think about what a great guitar part the "Satisfaction" hook is. An interesting melodic idea, repeated. Simple to play. I'd rather listen to something like that than a bunch of meaningless noodling, wouldn't you? Anyway, I was thinking maybe I'd create a backing track and let people play on it, after I finish a couple of projects.

My idea.....based on your excellent idea above, Les....

I am not familiar with DAW and with any type of editing of sound tracks, I will ask you if this would be do-able....what about if a bunch of us agreed on a classic rock song ( Kinda like when Ruger did his "Aqualung bit" to provide some musical background to our story) and we all play it....then someone (NOT ME!!!) edits it so that the final product has a whole bunch of people playing the song...kinda like, 15 seconds of each of us, at a time, so that the final version is a standard "classic Rock song" that has a dozen people contributing in 15 second blocks. I imagine the editing would be the tricky part, and I have no idea how that would be done. However, if we can get a group of people to agree on a classic tune (requirements...has to be popular enough that everyone on the forum would be somewhat familiar with it) it would be fun to watch a video that changed guitarists every 15 seconds or so, with the final cut being a relatively smooth version of the song performed in sequence by a whole lot of us.

Am I being clear? Is this something you guys would be interested in....and, above all...is it "do-able"???

rugerpc
01-29-2013, 09:31 AM
Chops? Not to worry.

Good musical parts can be made with whole and half notes just as as well as with 32nd notes. In fact, think about what a great guitar part the "Satisfaction" hook is. An interesting melodic idea, repeated. Simple to play.

I'd rather listen to something like that than a bunch of meaningless noodling, wouldn't you?

Anyway, I was thinking maybe I'd create a backing track and let people play on it, after I finish a couple of projects.

Oh! I feel a cyber-jam coming on...




My idea.....it would be fun to watch a video that changed guitarists every 15 seconds or so, with the final cut being a relatively smooth version of the song performed in sequence by a whole lot of us.

Am I being clear? Is this something you guys would be interested in....and, above all...is it "do-able"???

Paging CRGTR... Paging CRGTR.... CRGTR to the Unicorn thread please....

LSchefman
01-29-2013, 09:39 AM
[QUOTE=LSchefman;45252]My idea.....based on your excellent idea above, Les....

I am not familiar with DAW and with any type of editing of sound tracks, I will ask you if this would be do-able....what about if a bunch of us agreed on a classic rock song ( Kinda like when Ruger did his "Aqualung bit" to provide some musical background to our story) and we all play it....then someone (NOT ME!!!) edits it so that the final product has a whole bunch of people playing the song...kinda like, 15 seconds of each of us, at a time, so that the final version is a standard "classic Rock song" that has a dozen people contributing in 15 second blocks. I imagine the editing would be the tricky part, and I have no idea how that would be done. However, if we can get a group of people to agree on a classic tune (requirements...has to be popular enough that everyone on the forum would be somewhat familiar with it) it would be fun to watch a video that changed guitarists every 15 seconds or so, with the final cut being a relatively smooth version of the song performed in sequence by a whole lot of us.

Am I being clear? Is this something you guys would be interested in....and, above all...is it "do-able"???

Bennett, your idea is a good one, but it's not for me; I'm strictly audio-oriented so that the sound quality will be better, and not interested in video at all, except scoring, which is something different completely.

Also, original music is my thing; not interested in re-inventing someone else's work. I would also think an original piece would give the musicians peace of mind, to stretch out a little without worrying about being compared to some guitar god or other.

Finally, it would be a crazy amount of work to find everyone's best phrases, fit them into an edit, and so on. I'd be happy to provide a track that people could work on for themselves. That's as far as I'd go.

If people liked the track, fine, if not no one's arm would be twisted to play on it. I'm not interested in a committee approach to the writing, it's just not my thing.

docbennett
01-29-2013, 02:17 PM
[QUOTE=docbennett;45256]

Bennett, your idea is a good one, but it's not for me; I'm strictly audio-oriented so that the sound quality will be better, and not interested in video at all, except scoring, which is something different completely.

Also, original music is my thing; not interested in re-inventing someone else's work. I would also think an original piece would give the musicians peace of mind, to stretch out a little without worrying about being compared to some guitar god or other.

Finally, it would be a crazy amount of work to find everyone's best phrases, fit them into an edit, and so on. I'd be happy to provide a track that people could work on for themselves. That's as far as I'd go.

If people liked the track, fine, if not no one's arm would be twisted to play on it. I'm not interested in a committee approach to the writing, it's just not my thing.

Les..while your ideas are great..I happen to like the idea of the "multi-player, multi-cut traditional rock song". Without taking away from any other ideas...I am going to start a thread and present the idea...it may not even be possible to implement, but let's see.

LSchefman
01-29-2013, 04:41 PM
[QUOTE=LSchefman;45265]

Les..while your ideas are great..I happen to like the idea of the "multi-player, multi-cut traditional rock song". Without taking away from any other ideas...I am going to start a thread and present the idea...it may not even be possible to implement, but let's see.

Go for it! Enjoy!