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Thread: The International Banana Conspiracy

  1. #1

    The International Banana Conspiracy

    I was in a good mood all day. Now I'm kind of sad.

    In between the good mood and sad mood, I ate a banana. Nothing else happened.

    Clearly, something is up with bananas. This is no doubt why zoos are now reluctant to give captive monkeys bananas. Zoos don't want to have to give monkeys Prozac along with their banana rations.

    One wonders just who the banana growers are in bed with? Certainly not monkeys. Well, maybe a few are in bed with monkeys, not that there's anything wrong with that. And maybe they're lacing bananas with something that makes monkeys chill, but makes humans kind of sad. That's probably it.

    Oh wait, maybe the reason I'm sad is that I went to TGP and instead of staying in the recording forum like a good boy, I ventured across the street into the guitar section and read the insanity there.

    Did you know that there are people who hate just about everything? I mean, you name it, they hate it. Lots of PRS haters, Floyd haters, Humbucker haters, Single Coil haters, and a fairly wide variety of gold hardware haters. There are fancy top haters, cool inlay haters, paint haters, fat neck haters, thin neck haters, and pick guard haters.

    Maybe it wasn't the banana after all. Maybe it was all these people who have nothing better to do than tell the world that they don't like something. This fact fills me with dread. Maybe the haters will wind up trying to run the world, and there will be The Hater Wars.

    I do think there's a connection between haters, monkeys and bananas somewhere.
    Last edited by LSchefman; 07-22-2014 at 09:00 PM.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  2. #2
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    Could also be Freelee, The Banana Girl, has something to do with it.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dtgS7vSSIJQ

  3. #3
    No doubt she's behind the whole thing.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  4. #4
    Yippy ki yay! xjbebop's Avatar
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    I hate haters... don't be a hater.

    ...wait...what?


    Bananas are good...
    "There are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion.."
    -Poe

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by xjbebop View Post
    Bananas are good...
    Well, sure, if you have enough medication!
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  6. #6
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    Or your name is Freelee.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by NomadMike View Post
    Or your name is Freelee.
    My name is Feely.

    Is that close enough?

    Hey, I just got a confidential call from the guy who really shot Kennedy and staged the fake Moon landing. He says there is a link between the bananas, the monkeys, the drug manufacturers, and haters. But that's all he got out before the phone line on his end went dead. That and the word, Odessa, whatever that means.

    He must have been on a cell phone and lost the connection, right?

    Update: Well, I have no choice. I have to investigate this lead. I just bought a plane ticket to a city in Ukraine called Odessa. It's the only lead I have. I'll keep the rest of you posted when I get there and find out what's up.

    Stay tuned to this channel.
    Last edited by LSchefman; 07-22-2014 at 10:05 PM.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  8. #8
    A few hundred million monkey's can't be wrong about bananas.

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    One Life

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by ]-[ @ n $ 0 |v| a T ! View Post
    A few hundred million monkey's can't be wrong about bananas.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    Well that's just so true.

    But the mystery must be solved. And there's the matter of the hundred million haters. And the link to Odessa.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  10. #10
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    Here's a clue...

  11. #11
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    You may want to check out the goings on at the Hotel Sheets...

  12. #12
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    I'm not gonna fall for no banana in the tailpipe.


    Last edited by sergiodeblanc; 07-23-2014 at 01:43 AM.

  13. #13
    Forget about bananas, they are merely a symbol and symptom of the problem. As I sit here in an airliner on my way to Odessa, I feel a great disturbance in The Fartz, a construct that allows everyone to think whatever they want about reality, but which is assumed to connect the entire universe, much like metaphysical superstrings.

    I have not felt this kind of disturbance since...well...a long time ago.

    I'm posing inconspicuously as a member of a traveling J. S. Bach Tribute Band, also known as The Sebastian Quartet, or, simply, The Sebastians. One interesting thing about this band is that we always wear period costumes dating to the early 18th Century, and being nearly 800 years old, I'm quite comfortable traveling in this garb. Surprisingly, we attracted very little attention until we arrived at the airport, when our cellist set off the airport security alarm by forgetting to remove his flintlock pistol from his breeches. Fortunately, we were able to convince airport security that it was merely part of a costume, which was almost partly true.

    You think guitar players are crazy protective about their instruments? These guys buy seats for theirs.

    As an ostensible member of the Quartet, I have stuffed a 1950 Harmony ukulele into a very small gig bag. While it is difficult for the other members to accept a ukulele player as a member of a classical quartet, at least I don't have to waste money on a seat for the damn thing. I did buy a bow for it to make them feel better about my cover story.
    Last edited by LSchefman; 07-23-2014 at 02:00 AM.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  14. #14
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    Can we please talk more about Freelee, The Banana Girl? I have been extensively researching her youtube videos to better educate myself. Well, sorry, have to get back to that now....

    Kevin

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by kes7u View Post
    Can we please talk more about Freelee, The Banana Girl? I have been extensively researching her youtube videos to better educate myself. Well, sorry, have to get back to that now....

    Kevin
    Heh. A man's gotta do...
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  16. #16
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    Is she talking in this? Why is she wearing socks on her arms?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isfrf5A31CE

  17. #17
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    Simply amazing. This is the 2nd time (okay, 5th time) I've watched this video, and I never noticed the socks on her arms. Must be like an optical illusion.

    Now that you mention it, I think she might have an accent. Never realized that before, either.


    Quote Originally Posted by NomadMike View Post
    Is she talking in this? Why is she wearing socks on her arms?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isfrf5A31CE

  18. #18
    A♥ hoards guitars A♥ rugerpc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LSchefman View Post
    Heh. A man's gotta doodoo.
    ...fixed it for ya...
    Thbbbbbt...
    Check it out: Phillybri used to have a band: Resonance But he's soooo over them now!
    Lexicon
    sɹǝqɯǝɯ uɐıןɐɹʇsnɐ oןןǝɥ

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by rugerpc View Post
    ...fixed it for ya...
    Time for you to join in on the story, brother!
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

  20. #20
    Senior Member garrett's Avatar
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    I tell ya, every time I browse TGP I end up wondering why I did that to myself.
    --Garrett--

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