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Thread: Text jokes

  1. #1
    Still a Junior Member Albrecht Smuten's Avatar
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    Text jokes

    Dear Mrs. Samuel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1) June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

    2) July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. .

    3) July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

    4) July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5) August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6) August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

    7) August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8) August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ EMTs were called.

    9) September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10) September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11) October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘Mission Impossible’ theme.

    12) October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

    13) October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME PICK ME!’

    14) October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

    And last, but not least:

    15) October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’ One of the clerks passed out.
    Love for all human beings is like listening to any kind of music. You just don't care.
    The 3-Mike-7 devotee.

  2. #2
    Banned
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    Apr 2012
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    So, why is Mrs. Samuel being banned from the store???? She is being painted with the same broad brush as her husband. This is patently unfair!!



  3. #3
    Hilarious!

  4. #4
    A Top (and Heart) of Gold Goldtop's Avatar
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    Apr 2012
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    A lady golfer stormed into the pro shop at the course one day and demanded to see the manager. The man behind the counter said "The manager's not in right now, ma'am. But I'm the golf pro here; Can I help you?"

    The lady replied "I have a complaint! I was out playing a round on your course just now and a bee stung me!"

    The pro asked "Where did he sting you, ma'am?" The lady replied "Between the first and second hole."

    The pro said "Maybe you should change your stance."


    Lloyd/Goldtop/QoC
    Last edited by Goldtop; 01-02-2013 at 08:53 PM.
    'Did you ever get down on your hands and knees and beg a potato to get fat?' - Ezra Craddock

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