"Um, what exactly are you planning on doing with these two dudes tied up in the back of your RV?" Ratchet asked the creature.
"Well I know what you're gonna do with 'em Ratchet! Move 'em into my lair! snarf snarf." replied Red "and do it quickly! I don't have all day, I think that those korean ladies I ate at the nail salon are pushin' through if you know what I mean! snarf snarf."
Ratchet had been running errands for the beast all day with no appreciation from the leprechaun, it was in fact because of him that the creature had been released earlier that day. Ratchet was obsessed with perfectly book matched maple top guitars and after being told a thousand times that there will never be a "perfect" book match, he unwisely set into motion a series of events that led to the re-animation of the ginger menace.
"When are you gonna teach me how to do a re-top on this Rosewood ltd. Red? I think it's a great guitar but it could look better... if those dudes weren't so lazy at the PRS factory! I mean how hard can it be?!"
"Snarf snarf. I told you Ratchet! Yous gets what yous wants when I gets what I needs! snarf snarf" Red hissed.
While Ratchet dragged the bodies of Rango and Sergio out of the RV and into Red's lair, he thought to himself; "What am I doing? How did I let things get so bad? who the hell is gonna clean up this place, and why does this troll keep saying "snarf snarf" all the time? I mean he does kinda look like that weird dog/gnome creature from the "Thundercats" cartoon, but what the F#$k is wrong with this dude?"
Sergio awakened to find himself and Rango tied up in in the lair. Both men were bound to a middle seat from a 1989 Dodge Caravan that was repurposed as furniture in a space that looked like an episode of "Hoarders" had collided with the left over inventory of a thousand NAMM shows. There were piles of unfinished Schon guitars, stacks of Trans-trems, and general musical instrument parts hanging off of shelves like icicles from gutters. In the corner was a stack of old apple II C CRT monitors hooked up to a CCTV system that had live feeds from every TJ Maxx dressing room in the Las Vegas area, if Segio wasn't creeped out enough already, the dull sobbing from Rango would get him there.
"What is happening to us!?" Rango said, "Why are we wearing Snuggies? and what kind of psychopath braids his own hair into rope? Please God! Turn off the TV's!!!"
Sergio could not blame Rango for his temporary break-down, he had once rolled up into a fetal position and cried himself to sleep after going to Ikea one Christmas season, he knew the pain Rango was feeling, and after seeing the unidentified stains on his Snuggie, he could fight back the tears no more... The men cried, but it was a manly kind of crying. The kind of crying that men only do alone in the shower when nobody is looking, but there would be no steam to combat the puffiness of their eyes.
"I'm glad we didn't get facial's" Rango said, "It would've been a waste of money."