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Thread: I'm about to smash a musical instrument!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    I'm about to smash a musical instrument!!

    There's a football field pretty close to my home and I find hearing the marching band practice to be rather enjoyable except for one thing: I'm about to MURDER the woodblock player!!!

    Seriously! I don't know what wood species that damn thing is made out of, but I'm tempted to see if I could get a whole guitar made out of the same stuff, 'cause that sh!t is LOUD! All day it's; "Bonk, bonk,..bonk,.bonk,bonk,..bonk." How is that thing louder than an entire drum-line-brass horn-marching band?! Did they come up with the electric woodblock while I was passed out at the pool?

    Man, I'm all about music in schools, and I love seeing youngsters learn a new musical instrument... but Dude! Play On Time! I feel like there is a spastic woodpecker slowly dropping water droplets on my forehead! There is no repetitive tempo to block out or even groove along with! If it's only for band practice, than I assume it must be the music teacher or coach doing it, so I assume again that he/she has a degree to teach music... WHY!?!?!

    I must have two or three old drum machines in my moms basement, what's the most tactful way to donate a metronome, AND get to smash that woodblock!?... preferably without any legal repercussions.

  2. #2
    chief Shawn@PRS's Avatar
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    Just play "Don't fear the Reaper" and you'll be fine.

  3. #3
    Half Crazed Guitar Player Attacks School Marching Band, Destroys Instrument, Incites Riot

    CNN, Downers Grove, IL, July 2, 2013

    A man was taken into custody today in connection with an attack on a school marching band. Sergiodeblanc, a guitar player, was heard to exclaim, "I couldn't take the woodblock any more. Not for another second!" over and over, as police handcuffed him and placed him into the squad car.

    Angry parents mobbed the car, pounding on the windows and roof, shouting "String him up!" in their anger over the man's assault on their children. Prosecutors indicate that they plan to charge Deblanc with Assault With a Deadly Guitar, Trespassing on School Property, Disruption of School Proceedings, and Attempted Questionable Taste. Evidently the guitar in question was a PRS covered in recycled Louis Vuitton fabric.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

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  4. #4
    Senior Member Rider1260's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LSchefman View Post
    Half Crazed Guitar Player Attacks School Marching Band, Destroys Instrument, Incites Riot

    CNN, Downers Grove, IL, July 2, 2013

    A man was taken into custody today in connection with an attack on a school marching band. Sergiodeblanc, a guitar player, was heard to exclaim, "I couldn't take the woodblock any more. Not for another second!" over and over, as police handcuffed him and placed him into the squad car.

    Angry parents mobbed the car, pounding on the windows and roof, shouting "String him up!" in their anger over the man's assault on their children. Prosecutors indicate that they plan to charge Deblanc with Assault With a Deadly Guitar, Trespassing on School Property, Disruption of School Proceedings, and Attempted Questionable Taste. Evidently the guitar in question was a PRS covered in recycled Louis Vuitton fabric.

    LOL !!!!!!!
    Sergio just stop by little food a lot of beer all will be good or I have some great earplugs
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Rango's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sergiodeblanc View Post
    I feel like there is a spastic woodpecker slowly dropping water droplets on my forehead!


    Brother I feel your pain... I go to all the local HS games and sometimes I'm sure the band must be tone deaf and rhythm challenge ! A Drummer from a local rock band took on the drum section alone and had them whipped into shape in a couple of weeks. Can't hurt to go offer to help if you have the time!
    If I thought I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself!

  6. #6
    Senior Member jfine's Avatar
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    I feel your pain. About twenty-odd years ago I was in a country band with a drummer who was a pretty decent rock drummer, but the only other country band he'd played with wanted him to shuck it right off the cob and play clippity-clop cornball stuff with no dynamics, so that's what he thought it was supposed to sound like. I kept trying to talk him into playing it like it was rock, to no avail. The worst part was that he had a plastic "wood" block, and used it in place of a sidestick snare hit on every verse of just about every song. Darn near drove me nuts--boom, TAP, boom, TAP--all night long--AAARGH! The only thing that kept me from setting the thing on fire was that I couldn't figure out how to burn plastic...

  7. #7
    A♥ hoards guitars A♥ rugerpc's Avatar
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    BREAKING NEWS

    PNN, Downers Grove, IL, July 3, 2005 8:30 am.

    Yesterday a guitarist who authorities described as "disturbed" escaped custody while feigning an epileptic attack in the central jail booking center. "He was all foaming at the mouth and ranting about wood blocks and blue guitars," said a police spokesperson. "We were afraid to go near him. Then he just bolted."

    After the prisoner disappeared, it is reported that he stole or commandeered a white Mini Cooper and was last seen on County Road 17. The suspect is considered only mildly dangerous, but possibly infectious. If spotted, citizens are asked to refrain from approaching him, hide their wood blocks and notify authorities immediately.
    Thbbbbbt...
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  8. #8
    Senior Member gush's Avatar
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    Hey Serg, Make for dam sure there are no re-percussions or another one may take it's place!

  9. #9
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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  10. #10
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    the woodblock is an "aquired taste". give it time, or invest in some trained woodpeckers!

  11. #11
    Name Manglin' Putz alantig's Avatar
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    It's probably a blue wood block.

    Are you sure it's not a metronome? When my daughter was in color guard in high school, when the band practiced, they used a metronome that sounded like a wood block - and they pumped it through the PA system. Made me very glad I wasn't in band because after about two minutes I was scanning the horizon for tall buildings.
    Alan

    "I watched approximately 45 seconds of 'Rock Of Ages'. It was like getting punched in the soul." - Abby Krizner

  12. #12
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alantig View Post
    It's probably a blue wood block.

    Are you sure it's not a metronome? When my daughter was in color guard in high school, when the band practiced, they used a metronome that sounded like a wood block - and they pumped it through the PA system. Made me very glad I wasn't in band because after about two minutes I was scanning the horizon for tall buildings.
    I'm sure it's pumped through the PA, but there is no way it's a metronome unless it's programable... It's not keeping an even enough tempo for that, keep in mind I spend the majority of my days listening to click tracks and dance music.

  13. #13
    Senior Member jfb's Avatar
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    I gotta have more wood block!
    Plank Owner

  14. #14
    Senior Member frankb56's Avatar
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    Sergio, it's probably due to the lapse in time between the actual time the wood is blocked and the time it reaches your ear considering other factors like wind, temperature and weird noises in your head. Just put on your Bad Brains records and you will be fine. Actually, get a PA system yourself and redirect some "FUN" to the marching band.
    Frank Bello
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  15. #15
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    Now that's a PLAN!

  16. #16
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    It's back.

  17. #17
    chief Shawn@PRS's Avatar
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    Welcome to the new school year.

  18. #18
    Senior Member jfb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shawn@PRS View Post
    Welcome to the new school year.
    All nine or so months of it.
    Plank Owner

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