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Thread: Quit the band tonight

  1. #1
    Plank Spanker justmund's Avatar
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    Quit the band tonight

    So a couple of changes in my life (baby and job) have resulted in me not being able to play with my band any more. Made the decision a while ago but told the boss tonight. Weird feeling, have been doing this for nearly 7 years but I think it's a good time to reassess what music is for me. I really enjoyed performing, playing with good musos, getting outside of my comfort zone (singing), working up new charts, and developing the finer points of performing, but now I've got a clean slate and it's time to move onward.

    I'm thinking I'll jam with some of my old buddies, write some music, work on my singing, that sort of stuff. We're also planning on building a house so it's a great opportunity for me to spec a man cave, get some drums, bass etc and keep it all set up for laying down tracks on my time off.

    How about you guys? What have you done when life has thrown you a curve ball and you've had to prioritise life over bands?

  2. #2
    Member boxstop7's Avatar
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    I cried. A lot. And lost myself for a number of years.

    All kidding aside (but not really), it was my son's birth and a change in job that forced me out of the game for a while as well. After 5 or so years, I stumbled upon the most unlikely group of musicians I ever could have dreamed up, in the most unlikely of circumstances. I've been playing with them for over two years now, and I feel whole again.

    For me it's always been about the performance. I've never had any interest in writing music, recording demos/albums, or any of that stuff. I've never aspired to be anything more than a guitarist/vocalist in a cover band. And I love it. If I'm playing someone else's music to a bar full of people, I'm in my happy place.

    Sorry to hear about your band situation, but it sounds to me like you've got a solid course of action ahead of you...perhaps one that you're even looking forward to pursuing in a number of ways. I'd bet that when you get the itch to play again, you'll end up finding an amazing opportunity to jump back in. But I'd be remiss if I didn't also congratulate you on the life changes that caused you to reassess everything! Seems like you've got a great attitude, and certainly a group of supportive people here! Make sure to keep us posted on how that man cave develops!!!
    Last edited by boxstop7; 08-19-2013 at 06:17 AM.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member 11top's Avatar
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    I'm experiencing the reverse. My friend and fellow guitarist/singer is quitting our band due to the birth of his second child. We only rehearse once a month, and gig about the same, but even that is too much time away from his family. I'm bummed as it was a great fit, but I totally understand, and respect his decision; family has to come first.
    Sh*tter's full

  4. #4
    Senior Member AP515's Avatar
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    I'm on the backside of that decision, and still trying to find my place. I was in a cover band in Phx. I enjoyed the guys and the music and didn't want to do more than that. One job played out and another appeared in NC, and so I had to leave a good fit and move. I still haven't found another band. I've tried a few but they were not right for me. I just keep working on my skills (I need it) and looking for the right fit.
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  5. #5
    Opaque John Beef's Avatar
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    My wife and I have been playing in bands together since we met in 1996 (when I was 19), and we purposely put off having kids because we were having a lot of fun playing music. But once we were into our 30s we decided it was time to go ahead and have a kid or two. We didn't know how it was all going to work out. Luckily, our kids are the only grandkids for all our parents. Three out of four of them relocated to Phoenix to be close to the grandkids. Now we get babysitting basically any time we want and are able to play pretty much every week. Another stroke of luck was finding our current drummer, he's a great guy who's a couple years older than us but had kids young, so they're both in high school and can take care of themselves. Not to mention, he's insanely patient with our hectic lives and sometimes strange scheduling. So, it's working out for now.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member Rango's Avatar
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    Been out for a while... I miss it.

    Had to quit after we went thru a line up change and lost our practice space. I played drums for a pretty popular local bar band.

    I used to look for anytime my wife and daughter were out of the house to practice...but it caused a bunch of friction at home. Wife didn't want to live with a drummer.

    One day my daughter walked in and said "Mom says quit playing the stupid drums"... I did. NOTHING is going to stop me from watching my daughter grow up.

    I've been working hard on guitar for a couple of years...waiting for my chance....
    Last edited by Rango; 08-19-2013 at 10:47 AM.
    If I thought I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself!

  7. #7
    Junior Member dadoffive's Avatar
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    I must have hit the band lottery....

    I'm on my 2nd marriage.. (11 years this October), two little ones (9 & 11) and she is my biggest supporter. To the point, I START TO FEEL GUILTY about the gigs and being away. Been in a project for several years, currently scheduled to play 60+ shows this year (yes I have a fulltime - professional job as well), and she couldn't be happier. She comes to some shows, and enjoys "girls night" when we play out and she stays home.

  8. #8
    Senior Member sergiodeblanc's Avatar
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    Probably a good thing for your solo career.

  9. #9
    Senior Member veinbuster's Avatar
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    I made a conscious decision to leave the band I had been with for a while (really me on bass and a guitar player with a few different drummers and occasional keyboard) to do the family thing, and ensure I had a predictable income in a real world job.
    I don't regret it, but when I stop travelling for work I could see trying another band - my kids are long gone.

  10. #10
    A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

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  11. #11
    Bobble Head Moderator JMintzer's Avatar
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    Funny thing how life situations change things...

    Saturday night, I was out with SWMBO for dinner and a movie. While waiting for the movie to start, we were walking around the town center, and they had a group of 50+ yos playing to 30-40 people on lawn chairs and park benches. She commented, "You're at least as good as them, you should get a ban together and to that..."

    We're now empty nesters, as my youngest started college 2 weeks ago...


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  12. #12
    Senior Member jfb's Avatar
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    I've never been in a band. A buddy is always after me to start something. Maybe I should.
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  13. #13
    Senior Member Bill SAS 513's Avatar
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    A combo of all of the above...on my second marriage, with 4 kids...3 from her previous marriage...and she's a Saint when it comes to jam time...I am working on a six piece classic rock cover band, with a bunch of guys my age (50-ish) and we barely find time to get all 6 in the same room...however, I really enjoy just spending an hour or two figuring out new tunes...I find the music room time to be the best therapy to take my mind off anything negative...I never leave there in a bad mood!!

  14. #14
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    Yeah, Sh1t happens. Our geezer band went on "hiatus" in the spring while they dealt with various life issues. I think it will likely be a lot longer than originally anticipated.
    I've been lucky to play a couple of sets with some local bands, which I appreciated and was fun, but you can overstay your welcome with that very quickly. I'm not going to be the dork that shows up every gig hoping to "sit-in".
    It's actually been kind of ok not playing so much. I certainly don't miss the logistical schlepping around of gear and it's nice to have more free time. I'm starting to focus on my acoustic again ... polish up my fingerstyle playing. also dug out the banjo and may give that a whirl and see how it goes. Just keep on doing the best I can and see what transpires.

  15. #15
    Senior Member Rango's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfb View Post
    I've never been in a band. A buddy is always after me to start something. Maybe I should.


    It's like any "relationship" there's good and bad...

    But for me it was well worth it!

    You should give it a go!
    If I thought I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself!

  16. #16
    Senior Member RedGuitars's Avatar
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    I've never been in a real working band. I've played on and off with one guy for many, many years. We've put together more than one band with both of us in it. Played a few gigs and parties. I've really not even done that for the last seven years since I moved across country. But playing with people is fun. We've done a couple of work jams, a local DFW PRS jam once. And I still meet up with my bandmate a few times a year. But - lately it's me and jam tracks. But hey, we didn't even have those when I started on this rodeo years and years ago...
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  17. #17
    Haven't been in a band since high school 25 years ago. Still not really good enough to move forward yet
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  18. #18
    Member Coop's Avatar
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    Been there. Done that. It's no fun to have to quit a band... especially if you enjoy it. Sometimes things sort of fall into place when you aren't expecting it.

  19. #19
    Senior Member gush's Avatar
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    I have been very lucky. I'm 48 and been in bands since high school. I got married at 37 and we have one son together. My wife is ok with the band thing and now it looks like my son will take that path. we will see.

    I will most likely play music right up to the point where they cover me with dirt.

    My current band has been together for 12 years.Wow
    Last edited by gush; 08-19-2013 at 10:22 PM.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by jfb View Post
    I've never been in a band. A buddy is always after me to start something. Maybe I should.
    You have all those nice guitars and you've never had the fun of playing in a band?

    When things are "on" it's better than sex.

    Yes you should.
    I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken...

    Website: http://www.elfxi.com

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