As everyone knows, I have the ability to psychically contact and interview historical figures who are long-deceased. So this evening I decided to interview Alexander of Macedon, also known as Alexander The Great, to discuss his views on guitars.
LS: Alexander, first, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule in Hades to spend a few moments with me.
Alexander The Great: Oh, gosh, no worries. I really don't have much to do here; I hang out in the Elysian Fields, gamboling with nymphs in the lilies, and frankly, after 2350 years, give or take, it's nice to have something else to do. So what's on your mind?
LS: Tonight I'd like to talk about guitars. Have you seen one of these (I open the case to show Alexander a PRS)?
Alexander The Great: I have, yes. I'm a big fan of Carlos, and sometimes I hang out here with Jimi Hendrix, and we ogle internet guitar sites together. In fact, Jimi says that if he ever gets reincarnated (there's a very long waiting list) he'd like to have a PRS as his main axe. So yeah, I'd love to have one.
LS: You've pretty much done it all, Alex, conquered the known world, fought hand to hand on horseback with a sword, been mummified and taken to Egypt. What would be the highlight of your life?
Alexander the Great: Well, not to be too philosophical, but conquering the world was not all it's cracked up to be, which is why I had quite an alcohol problem in the end, killed some good friends because of it, and really didn't have a lot of happy times. So I'd say that the job description "world conqueror" is really overrated. I've spoken with Attilla, Caesar, and Genghis about it, and they tend to agree. We'd all rather have been modern rock stars. In fact, Attilla's application for reincarnation is pending, and he's planning on getting into death metal, no matter what. We all think he'd make a great metal star if he practices hard.
I can tell you this; if I'd had rock and roll as a kid, there would have been a lot of disappointed Greeks and Macedonians and a lot of happy Persians, because I'd have hung out with musicians and gone on a very different kind of world tour than the one I did.
And the world might have been a very different place. But that's all water under the bridge at this point, isn't it?
LS: Yes it is. And thank you.
Alexander The Great: By the way, please tell your readers that my name is Alexander of Macedon, and that being called "The Great" kind of bothers me. Thanks!